A Wordling Whirl of Sundays gave us some great words: Fading, flew, hurtles, limbs, clears, toss, turned, reaching, fresh, flossed, flecks, and siren. Thanks, Brenda, for a good challenge! Also posted at Poets United, the poets’ collective.
Unexpected Turn
Her mom’s car hurtles down the road,
windows down, fresh air, CD player cranked.
Amanda glances at her IPhone and waves it, yelling:
“Mindy says she just flossed her butt with a new thong!”
Cath is a new driver wishing they’d be quiet.
(Wait’ll they get their licenses, then they’ll understand.)
Amanda and Kara, texting like mad, oblivous to
the nerves of the new driver, who clears her throat.
Flecks of sunlight obscure her view.
(Damn, I shoulda worn my shades.)
“SHUT UP, GUYS!” she finally yells,
reaching the limits of her patience with her friends.
A deer darts across the road; Cath swerves and
heads straight for Mrs. Hardy’s fresh-painted fence.
They hit the ditch first and flip,
toss-turned as limbs fly in slow motion.
The ambulance flew, sirens screaming,
but Kara and Cath were already fading.
© 2011 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
Jul 05, 2011 @ 05:13:56
Astonishing! Such a macabre story – well wordled.
Jul 07, 2011 @ 03:48:48
Well wordled… liked that, Viv. Thanks very much. This is not unlike a story that happened with texting in a small upstate NY town, except that was five girls… just after their graduation.
Jul 05, 2011 @ 06:47:58
What a poetic feat, Amy! You can tell a story and get a message across like no one else I know. Thank you!
Jul 07, 2011 @ 05:56:52
Debbie, you are so kind. The moral of this story is simple: Whatever we try to teach our children, they don’t always listen… had a feeling the driver was trying her best, though. Love, Amy
Jul 05, 2011 @ 07:14:04
This is so intensely visual that I swear I felt my heart break at the end. The young, lost in themselves and often so lost to us.
Jul 07, 2011 @ 06:03:46
I actually cried when I wrote it. It’s based on a story from upstate New York, except it was five girls, not three. They were texting on one of those back roads… they had just graduated. A horrible tragedy.
Jul 05, 2011 @ 07:24:59
Oh no, too sad. A parent’s nightmare.
Love L4.
Jul 07, 2011 @ 06:30:08
Yeah, Linda, I had a feeling a few of my girlfriends would pick up on that. My daughter used to call thongs “butt floss,” saying if she had to get that uncomfortable to attract attention, it was truly not worth it. I tried one on for “s’s and g’s” and was horrified! Like saying, “God, may I please get a yeast infection? Pretty please?” LOL
Jul 05, 2011 @ 08:16:52
Mmmm…still struggling with the flossing image. Perhaps counselling will help. Nice meshing of all the prompts though!
Re my last poem: I don’t know that the form has a name. It owes something to the structure of Edward Lear’s Owl and the Pussycat. I try to vary my style around a bit with limericks being the ‘homebase’ when all other inspiration fails. Thank you for your comments.
Jul 07, 2011 @ 06:33:10
Cosmo, so glad you came back! OK, so the form has a structure but is vague other than the reference to “Owl.” I can dig that. I, too, vary my style, although it almost always comes back to free verse, since I’m also a songwriter and that requires specific form and rhythm. I find free verse…. freeing!
I’ll stop over and see what mischief you are up to. And don’t worry about the flossing – and you’re right, counseling is always an option!! Amy
Jul 05, 2011 @ 14:11:07
Two car crash poems from this wordle? (I just read the other at She Writes.) Scary scene, but well written.
Jul 07, 2011 @ 06:37:39
Oh, Lord, now I’ll have to get over to She Writes. Funny, though, how two poets who don’t know each other can find the same thread in a wordle. Happens all the time to me… Thanks, Traci. Amy
Jul 05, 2011 @ 14:29:36
You managed to capture all the energy that swirled through this scenario… the carefree joy of teens, the angst of a new driver, the excitement of freedom, the horror of the unexpected. You caught it all.
Jul 07, 2011 @ 06:52:11
Kim, I really value this comment from you. You are a thorough reader and always point out moments that work… and hopefully, you feel free to point out moments that don’t work. I appreciate critique that makes me stronger. Yes, I was going for that unguarded moment. Life can change – or end – on a dime. thanks so much, Amy
Jul 05, 2011 @ 14:48:10
Awesome use of the words! This is really chilling.
Jul 07, 2011 @ 07:06:43
Thanks, Kelli. I was going back and forth on the present and past tenses presented until I realized there was that immediate present and then the past tense of the ambulance. A good wordle, as Brenda always provides! Sneaking over to your blog now! Amy
Jul 05, 2011 @ 16:26:05
I love how these words take everyone in their own direction. Nice to see you joining in, Amy.
Pamela
Jul 07, 2011 @ 07:52:14
I’m happy, too, Pamelita! A fun project, and great working with Brenda. Amy
Jul 05, 2011 @ 18:37:30
Sad. In Montana, a new teen driver can have only one other person with them, unless a parent or guardian is present for their first six months driving. A good friend drove drunk into a house at 16 and died. Her passenger lived. It was the two of them. This brought up a lot Amy. I like it. Thanks.
Jul 07, 2011 @ 07:55:04
Sorry to stirred bad memories, but I’m still glad I wrote it. We need to remind ourselves, and our teens, how important this matter is. Taken from a real story, but sadly, it was five girls, all died, the day of their graduation two years ago. Texting. Thanks for all your hard work on the Wordle, Brenda, Amy
Jul 05, 2011 @ 19:11:41
Oh wow so unexpected and tragic, well done
Jul 07, 2011 @ 08:26:51
Thanks, MLM. Life can turn too fast…
Jul 05, 2011 @ 19:41:38
Despite the grizzly end, this still made me smile, Amy!
Jul 05, 2011 @ 23:15:16
Excellent description, my friend! Much love and big ups! – Mosky
Jul 07, 2011 @ 08:34:13
Thanks, Bruddah. This was a hard write in part because five girls lost their lives in a texting/car accident in our last town, right after graduation. Tried to capture that wrong moment. Love love love, Ameleh
Jul 06, 2011 @ 02:25:33
Wow! A sobering direction you’ve taken the wordle…well written.
Here’s my latest…to the Carry On Tuesday prompt: http://whenwordsescape.wordpress.com/2011/07/05/unextinguished-flame/
And my wordle:
http://whenwordsescape.wordpress.com/2011/07/03/clear-vision/
Thanks, as always, for your visit!
Jul 11, 2011 @ 04:55:40
Thanks, Paula. Sorry this comes so late – family in town. Will visit you! Amy
Jul 06, 2011 @ 12:10:01
Aww that’s sad but, so true too. I have a friend in Louisiana and four teens were in a car going home from a party, the 17 year old driving text his mom to say they’d be home soon and no-one heard from them. When they went looking a couple of hours later they had gone through a barrier and into a river. All drowned. Texting and driving is so dangerous and they made it law here no using phones or texting while driving, it’s killing more than drink driving now. A good write, thanks for visiting me.
Jul 11, 2011 @ 05:21:11
I am so sorry this hit home so deeply for you. Guess the important thing is still to talk about it, to let people know about the dangers… still, I’m sorry for your loss. I’ll be back to visit. Amy
Jul 06, 2011 @ 13:44:08
Amy- You set the all too familiar scene perfectly… such a sad reality of the upcoming generation. Oh, and flossing a butt with a thong– quite the image!
Jul 11, 2011 @ 05:30:34
That’s one Riley and I always say when we see a girl with those darned straps showing above her jeans: “Butt floss!!”
Jul 06, 2011 @ 15:58:46
A powerful write, Amy……..I love the interspersing of the driver’s thoughts with the actions of the other passengers. LOVED “flossed her butt with a thong” – havent heard that before!
Jul 07, 2011 @ 08:32:51
That’s something Laura and I heard on TV and laughed so hard, we kept it going. Butt floss= thong!!!
Jul 06, 2011 @ 23:14:04
oh no!! You sure have some amazing story-telling skills, Amy!!
The end just struck me like a bolt of lightning… Wheww!!
Jul 07, 2011 @ 03:44:54
It surprised me as much as it did you. But isn’t that how accidents are? That one unguarded moment…
Jul 07, 2011 @ 23:42:14
Great message in this wordle poem. I went in the same direction you did and wrote about a car accident. Teens and texting are a dangerous combination.
Jul 12, 2011 @ 01:57:04
Several of us mined that same territory., and I will visit your blog to see what you came up with. Interesting how minds connect on the same themes, especially when confronted with a Wordle or Three Word Wednesday. Thanks, Marianne… Amy
Jul 09, 2011 @ 04:07:27
Well written. I found the unexpected turn at the end. Was not expecting that ending.
Jul 12, 2011 @ 04:38:00
Thanks, Mike. Hope it’s a word to the wise… tragedy can be averted. A
Jul 31, 2011 @ 04:51:33
Amy, that last stanza is haunting. A sad ending. You had me from the beginning; it’s very immediate. I love the way you use dialogue and thought. We need reminders like this.
Richard
Aug 02, 2011 @ 05:48:13
Richard, I’m finding working with Wordles so interesting. The story comes out of the free association of the words. In this case, it’s based somewhat on a true story in upstate New York, but it was five girls, at night, on a back road, someone texting, and they all were killed the night after their graduation.
The dialogue had to be imagined, but I’ve been in enough cars when I was a young driver, and all we had to contend with was the volume of the dashboard radio. Thanks, Amy