Dad’s Dynamic Deeds


DAD’S DYNAMIC DEEDS (The Talented Mr. Barlow)

“A really good fart should come from the heart.”
So said my dad, with no shame, accepting blame.
He blew more gas than a Guernsey.
A one-man methane machine; each a Homeric task.

Expansive explosions the stuff of legend.
The Cryptkeeper would beg for a match
if Dad opened his hatch for a quick dispatch.
Our eyes would water from the slaughter,

and we’d laugh ‘til we cried over his
lack of knack to hide what was inside
and his singular absence of embarrassment
about the mass of gas from his ass.

My mother didn’t mince words:
“BUD! Did you chew your cud?”
Take all the grazing grain-fed cattle,
every bean-eating buckaroo from Blazing Saddles,

plus the backfire from a battered Buick,
throw in a whoopee cushion (or twelve),
push ‘til you’re blue, and your result
would be an inadequate insult to

the Sultan of insufferable incense
A mere shadow of the Shaman
A whisper on the wind compared to
my dad, The Singing Sphincter.

© 2013 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil

NOTES: Absolutely true, and one of the best memories of my dad. Seeing “Blazing Saddles” with him at the movies was a trip.   The two of us got to the campfire scene and laughed ‘til we cried. I was afraid he was going to have a heart attack, gasping for breath. But then with the belly-laughs came the wretched gas. He poured forth and I had to change my seat for a few minutes until the cloud cleared.

To this day, I don’t think I laugh at anything more than passing gas. If you are near me and “let one go,” I apologize in advance for my guffaws. Can’t help it. It’s hard wired. Just ask my sisters or my best friend, John; they remember. Hope you had fun… Now open a window, for God’s sake!! Peace and a vanilla-scented candle, Amy

For ABC Wednesday (D), and Three Word Wednesday (Backfire, Embarrass, Task), and my source of poetic refreshment, Poets United.

24 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Roger Green
    Feb 07, 2013 @ 11:38:47

    one of my sisters could fart on command when she was a teenager

    Reply

  2. Stan Ski
    Feb 07, 2013 @ 12:12:53

    Better out than in…!

    Reply

  3. brian miller
    Feb 07, 2013 @ 12:39:02

    haha…my dad and his good friend used to be able to pull off fart battles over the campfire when we were camping …and could keep the battle going for a while…lol….

    Reply

  4. deanabo
    Feb 07, 2013 @ 15:37:38

    This was great!

    Reply

  5. Carol Carson
    Feb 07, 2013 @ 16:45:06

    Brilliant poem and I truly, truly loved the story. Thank you!

    Reply

  6. John
    Feb 07, 2013 @ 17:52:34

    Memories light the corners of my mind (preferably with a match).

    Reply

  7. oldegg
    Feb 07, 2013 @ 20:17:29

    A family that stinks (sorry sticks) together have some great laughs.

    Reply

  8. Altonian
    Feb 08, 2013 @ 01:50:15

    Very funny indeed! My retort, after letting one go, is always: ‘Get out and walk, I’ve carried you long enough.’

    Reply

  9. lesliebc
    Feb 08, 2013 @ 17:48:19

    I’m laughing until my gut hurts right now! Reminds me of when my Dad would let them rip at the dinner table, turn around and say, “Is that penguin here again?”

    Reply

  10. Josie Two Shoes
    Feb 08, 2013 @ 23:10:38

    I absolutely loved this ode to your Dad, as it took me home to the days of my youth. I grew up in a home where we were not allowed to say “fart” so my sisters and I resolved that by substituting “traf”, which always made us laugh. Your post brought to mind the “morning music” we could hear emanating from Dad on a daily basis from down the hallway! It was a very strange way to wake up, but now that he’s passed over I would give anything to hear that familiar sound of home again. :-) Thanks for rekindling the memories, and for the smile your post generated as I read it this morning! (Now with any luck at all my comment will post this time!)

    Reply

  11. Gattina
    Feb 09, 2013 @ 02:29:01

    What a nice and funny poem !

    Reply

  12. ManicDdaily
    Feb 09, 2013 @ 07:03:12

    Very charming. I am laughing still. Of course, it’s not just the subject matter, but you are so very very clever in your descriptions. k.

    Reply

  13. Laurie Kolp
    Feb 09, 2013 @ 07:06:25

    lol… thanks so much for the giggles, Amy… fartastic piece

    Reply

  14. Carver
    Feb 09, 2013 @ 12:39:16

    Too funny. You are such a good writer. Carver, ABC Wed. Team

    Reply

  15. Daydreamer
    Feb 10, 2013 @ 12:46:33

    Very humorous! Great way to tell that story!

    Reply

  16. unevenstevencu
    Feb 11, 2013 @ 05:31:54

    great really enjoyed this!

    Reply

  17. Mary
    Feb 11, 2013 @ 06:50:52

    Really a fun poem to read. My dad was the opposite. Embarrassed if he ever passed gas. Did it quietly, and if he was caught he just said his shoe had squeaked. Ha.

    Reply

  18. Kiana@NakedSoulPoetry
    Feb 11, 2013 @ 06:51:20

    Love this!!! I think that’s my husband, and my kids do the same thing!!! LOL

    Reply

  19. Old Ollie
    Feb 11, 2013 @ 09:06:54

    A fine dad – full of life and fun.

    Reply

  20. Kerry O'Connor
    Feb 11, 2013 @ 09:48:14

    This was great fun to read.

    Reply

  21. RJ Clarken
    Feb 11, 2013 @ 15:24:57

    Bwahahahaha! (I bet his favorite song [to toot?]) was Classical Gas.

    Reply

  22. Snakypoet (Rosemary Nissen-Wade)
    Feb 12, 2013 @ 14:51:10

    Great fun!

    Reply

  23. Sara v
    Feb 15, 2013 @ 16:44:48

    Oh my gosh Amy! I am laughing so hard–that part in Blazing Saddles–thought I was going to wet myself–and now (Karma) I have a father-in-law that sounds just like your dad–only he isn’t always stinky–just very, very loud! And he has no shame either, even if he farts right in your face “If it makes noise it doesn’t stink,” he proclaims…Excellent tribute! In fact, it was a gas…;-)

    Reply

  24. gageier
    Mar 24, 2013 @ 08:01:00

    Ja da stimmt ein ganz lieber Gruß kommt zu dir geflogen halt ihn fest und bewahre ihn in Ehren einen schönen Sonntag und einen stressfreien Wochenanfang das wünsche ich dir Klaus

    Reply

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