DIVE RIGHT IN (from the mini-series, “Amy: The Lost Years”)
I know it’s a dive but
I dive right in anyway
Thigh-high boots first and
black silk bustiered boobs
not far behind
A drink; I start to shine; a
dim bulb sidles over, his
best pick-up line the
cobwebby question
of the truly unhip:
“What sign are you?”
After all these years,
you’d think it would
no longer be laughable
to answer, “Virgo”
But sorry-ass dudes
who think they can
get you with a ‘lude*
also seem to think it’s
hilarious to say “virgin”
Now he’s making fun
of my birth sign
“Hold on, Jack,” I snark,
“who’s the one with the
fake tan and a wink
that tells me you watch
WAY too much old
Magnum, PIs? Let me
illuminate you, buddy
I may have been born Virgo,
but I’ve a Gemini eye:
I can see Taurus rising
in your attitude, cuz
you’re way past horny
and full of B.S.”
© 2013 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
*Back in the day, a “lude” was a Quaalude. It not only put you into a dreamlike state, it also cured constipation and shyness.
For Poetic Bloomings, Marie Elena and Walt wanted poems about our astrological signs. Since a whole poem about the anal retentive, positively OCD nature (OK, some people call me “meticulous,” but that’s because they’re trying to avoid my hypercritical, snarky attitude) seemed like a bore, so I put it within a salacious story. I mean, how much can I say about arranging your bookshelves by age of the volumes, then rearranging by subject, then again by author…
Also, Sunday Scribblings wanted a poem using the word “illuminate,” and I dare say this guy may have achieved some enlightenment. Man, I was caustic back then! Peace, Amy
Feb 11, 2013 @ 02:04:52
I loved this. too much fun this was
Feb 11, 2013 @ 02:07:22
heh-heh, this one brought a smile to my face … love the alliteration in ‘Thigh-high boots first and / black silk bustiered boobs’
Feb 11, 2013 @ 02:08:22
This is hilarious, Amy. I gave up on that prompt (I mean what can you say about Sagittarius) but you honoured it and gave it zing.
Feb 11, 2013 @ 04:36:01
haha I love it! Clueless boys
Feb 11, 2013 @ 04:49:15
I DID NOT KNOW that ludes cured constipation! You are SO informative. And this is a hoot!
Feb 11, 2013 @ 05:41:03
hahaha…nice…love how you worked the signs in there at the end…and i guess there are guys that will always try what worked for them once…smiles.
Feb 11, 2013 @ 05:43:43
It is always an education to read your blogs. They are good for jolt to the memory, I don’t think I was that crass,
Feb 11, 2013 @ 06:37:45
Amy, I continue to enjoy all your genius scribblings….just haven’t had the chance to comment regularly…Keep em coming so I can continue to Dive into your mind♫♪
Feb 11, 2013 @ 07:25:10
Chuckles! Give it back to him, Amy! Stamp your Virgo self. Dive in and still stay afloat as always! Nicely!
Hank
Feb 11, 2013 @ 08:43:24
I gave up on that prompt, but your wonderfully funny poem has made me think again. Thanks, from one virgo to another.
Feb 11, 2013 @ 09:19:10
What a fun, kick-ass read this was. I love your spirit, Amy!.
Feb 11, 2013 @ 09:46:47
Oh my — now THAT’s putting him in his proper place, Amy! LOL
Feb 11, 2013 @ 10:39:41
I enjoyed this!
Feb 11, 2013 @ 11:17:24
I love this. I’m old enough to remember the era of the “ludes,” though I never did any of those–I was far too relaxed to begin with.
Feb 11, 2013 @ 12:00:55
never used taht line, always liked…”haven’t we met before?’…that never worked either…in fact not much did…so i just stayed in the woods and waited for one to hunt me down…got a really good one that way.
i really liked this poem…true so true and funny…great writing…
thanks for the visit to my cave…
PS…what sign are you?
Feb 11, 2013 @ 18:24:21
This is funny, but it’s too bad there are jerks like that around.
Feb 11, 2013 @ 21:36:15
ha haven’t heard the term “ludes” in um well lets just say awhile….God knows you change the close, terms, and find the same guys using the same sad lines don’t you lol hilarious!
Feb 14, 2013 @ 09:03:19
Well, there. You told him. Good for you. I think the worst and most unoriginal pick-up line I ever got was, “If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?” Gag.
Feb 18, 2013 @ 22:12:59
Hilarious! Haven’t heard `ludes’ in a long time.
Feb 22, 2013 @ 15:24:52
Fun!
(Pretty sure Richard Chamberlain is auditioning for the role of “sorry ass dude” in the ABC miniseries.)
(Unless there’s a Shogun role coming up…)
Mar 09, 2013 @ 02:06:04
Love you all for your great comments. Guapo, Richard Chamberlain? REALLY? ha ha ha
Walt over at Poetic Bloomings chose this as his “beautiful bloom” of the week. Thanks to Walt… and to all your wonderful peeps! Amy