After the debates in the NYS Gubernatorial race, I was soooo pleased that Poetic Asides posted the prompt, “What I Like About…” This is an equal opportunity offender! Even the Dems get it in the butt!
WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THE 2010 NYS RACE FOR GUV
Sure, Cuomo’s in
but I watched the debates anyway
Hoping to see Paladino explode
but he ran offstage to do his exploding in the men’s room
He must have been tranquilized
I didn’t hear a single remark about gays being damned or that his son is STRAIGHT, dammit
I have no horse in this race
since the all-but crowned winner
is same old, same old
and his daddy held the office first
and I saw how that played out in the White House
But the also-rans were great
A former madame for the Anti-Prohibition Party
who, while endorsing legalized marijuana and casinos,
did not endorse legalizing prostitution
Now there’s a confused person
The RENT IS TOO DAMN HIGH Party
I swear, I couldn’t make this stuff up
Col Sanders is now black
andtalkssofastyoucanhardlykeepup
And while rent may BE high
I cannot in good conscience give them my vote
Because the correct name should be
The Rent Is Too DAMNED High Party
I hate bad grammar
Loved the Greens cause they love the earth
Great agenda on the environment
They understand that ‘hydro-fracturing’
is actually ‘hydro-chemicals-including-methane-fracturing’
You can’t frack without chemicals
As Starbuck would say, “Don’t frack with me”
Libertarian, suitably stern
Would privatize everything
and we’d watch our houses burn
if we didn’t keep up our fire dept. payments
Cuomo, silk-suitably smug
Talked like a weiner
I mean winner
There were more candidates, I think
But these were the standouts
I’m going to start my own party
and call it:
The Price Of Prostitutes Is Too Damn High/Don’t Frack With Me/Legalize Pot/Tax The Rich Til They’re Poor/Health Care For All/If You Want To Wear A Hijab or Other Arabic Dress In Public, Juan Williams Will Have To Get The Hell Over It
…Party
Remember when TV had real news reporting, truthful coverage, and fewer ads?
TVoLUTION
In the beginning was creativity
Watch This – brought to you by
Buy This
This pattern morphed over time in sinister ways
as Buy This bought out the creators of
Watch This
Buy This now dictated the watching
Watch This was shuffled about according to Buy This trending
Our only anchor was the anchorman
the Network Evening News
Buy This pulled up that anchor and we were adrift
Then Buy This created
Watch This Happening Now
which became
Watch Only These Bits, then
Watch Only These Bits And Think This About Them
Buy This also went from choosy moms and see the USA in your Chevrolet
to eyes narcotically glued to the tube
Plasma spasm
Minds restless, but legs so lazy they got their own syndrome
and consequently their own drug
well-advertised, saturating the market like Crisco
and every bit as healthy
TVolution
In the beginning it was
“Watch This, then
Buy This.”
This pattern morphed in sinister ways
as the creators of Watch This
were bought out by Buy This.
Buy This dictated what we’d watch
Watch This was shuffled about
according to Buy This trends.
Our only anchor was the anchorman
(to our sorrow, no more Morrow)
Buy This took over the news department
Watch This Happening Now
became
Watch Only This Part We’re Showing You
then whittled down to
Watch Only This Part, and Think This About It
Buy This also went from choosy moms and peanut butter
to couch potatoes with legs so lazy
they got their own lazy syndrome
and consequently, their own drug.
To be fair, Buy This does mention the side effects:
Dry mouth, dry South,
desiring more sex but
unable to harden one’s resolve
and urges to gamble
and drive while asleep at the wheel
© 2010 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
Between the Tea Party Birther who so ignorantly “accused” the president of HAVING AN ARABIC MIDDLE NAME (like it’s a crime?) and the plethora of poets who aren’t listening to anyone besides The Three Stooges (Moe – Sarah Palin; Curly – Glenn “Mr Potatohead” Beck; Larry – Rush), it’s time for some Fair And Balanced poetry!! Amy
THE CYCLE OF MISINFORMATION
An Austrian and a German walk into a bar
and put their heads together
Repeat the falsehood often enough
and it becomes the truth
especially if the public is so distracted by their
financial misery that they will believe anything
blame anyone
for their problems
A Texan and a Texan walk into an office
and put their heads together
Make one Texan from Wyoming, repeat, rinse
and it becomes a ticket
especially if the public is so confused by ballots that
they will believe anything Diebolt says
agree with anyone
so long as their fortunes are safe
An African American man walks into the White House
and the cockroaches are no longer afraid of the light
Say the president isn’t American, isn’t a Christian
and it becomes the truth
especially if a draft dodger and a college dropout say so
and the public is so willing to believe them
and the Lady in Red says “You betcha!”
And now the debt from the war
that was put on a Chinese credit card by the Texans
(in place of real homeland security, like health care
and educating our kids)
Is blamed on the new president (doesn’t he know his place?)
because they can and they own the media
and most self-aggrandizing Christians don’t have Muslim friends
As someone once said,
It’s so heartening to see one prejudice
replaced by another
(c) 2010 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
FEAR (a limerick)
Since 2001, there’ve been panics
‘bout Arabs and gays and Hispanics
But never you fear
You will stay calm and clear
Just as long as you keep taking Xanax
© 2010 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
PalinDrone
I ran for Vice President
while killing a moose with an assault rifle
from a helicopter
during labor for my 28th child!
But my daughter flunked her abstinence class
While not as glamorous as the White House
Fox News gives me lots of air time
I go to lots of Tea Parties
and I finally got rid of Todd
Running for President? I’ll get back to ya!
I like to shop at consignment stores
like Bonwit Teller, you betcha
and Macy’s and Tiffany’s
But my favorite accessory is Trig
I carry him around like a badge
(c) 2010 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
written for the Pyramid prompt at Poetic Asides
My first time at this site, Sunday Scribblings. We were challenged to think up our own super power and then write a poem. Start the rhythm track and get ready to rap!!!
VOLUME CONTROL GRRRRRL (the rap you wish was true)
Sidewalk café, we’re having a bite
Big fat Hummer pulls up at the light
White kid low in the driver’s seat
Windows up but you can feel the beat
“F* F* motherf*in bitch ho bling”
Don’t you hate it when the singer can’t sing
Flick of my wrist, there goes the sound
One more nuisance off my merry-go-round
I’m Volume Control Grrrrrl
Volume Control Grrrrrl
Turn it down to low, girl
I’m Volume Control Grrrrrl
Down the block, the lawn boy’s at work
He looks like a hottie but he’s kind of a jerk
Six am, already gunnin’ the mower
Then he’s goin’ at it with the damned leaf blower
We’re trying to sleep here, the neighbors yell
It’s Saturday morning, so what the hell?
He can’t hear cause he’s got an IPod
I throw back my curtain, they say, “Oh, thank God, it’s
“Volume Control Grrrrrl
Volume Control Grrrrrl”
The neighbors say, “Go, girl
She’s Volume Control Grrrrrl”
Superpowers came easy to me
Started shutting people up when I was only three
Big sister sassin’ at my mom and then
WHAM! She went mute, never talked again
Now I’m the scourge of the city street
Cell phone shouters, they can feel my heart
Don’t turn up the CD til your windows shake
Cause Volume Grrrrrrl won’t give you a break
I’m Volume Control Grrrrrl
Volume Control Grrrrrl
Turn it down to low, girl
I’m Volume Control Grrrrrrl
© 2010 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
Sharp Little Pencil 