Sun Goes Down Bitter
Sunset is the saddest light there is
when it signals another night
for a blighted, blindfold family
Threats shouted, curses thrown
‘cross the supper table
flung like mashed off a ladle
Someone always slams palms down
Leaves in a huff, mumbling stuff
This time it’s Dad – which is really bad
Cause he’s mad at Mom, anxious
When he’s anxious he wants some
and he’ll take it from someone
who’s smaller than he is
Can’t talk back, can’t fight back
Can’t swallow her vitamin in the morning
© 2014 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
Susie at Imaginary Garden With Real Toads, “Play it Again, Toads.” I chose a line (“Sunset is the saddest light there is…”) from Sue Monk Kidd’s The Secret Life of Bees, a book I read years ago and now must read again.
The thought of summer sunsets, very sad. Alcohol for Mom all afternoon… two martinis for Dad – after he had stopped for a drink with the guys. He was quick to anger, yet completely arbitrary… kept his buttons hidden from us, but if Mom knew he was “in the mood,” she’s spark a fight and later go to her room and lock the door.
So much for the safely of the suburbs and the oft-Tea-Partied “stability of two-parent families.” I’d have given anything to get them a divorce! Peace, Amy
PS I am not posting much, but I am in a cycle of artwork: acrylics, India Ink, pastels, courtesy of Cornucopia Arts Center of Madison, WI, a free center for neurodivergent people. I’ll try to sneak in some art next time. A
mybeautfulthings
September 28, 2014 at 1:19 am
What a very powerful poem, Amy . Thank you for the commentary too which I always find interesting. . I look forward to seeing your art work too. 🙂
sharplittlepencil
September 29, 2014 at 6:17 pm
Well, I’m no Chelsea, nor am I Riley (my budding artist). But I guess I am a very successful, fulfilled ME, and that’s what counts!
Kerry O'Connor
September 28, 2014 at 6:05 am
This goes straight to the emotional centre of the reader – your description is very vivid.
sharplittlepencil
September 29, 2014 at 6:20 pm
I keep waiting for, “DON’T YOU WRITE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE?” And I would probably reply, “Yes. Shrooms, jazz, having bipolar, being a pastor’s wife… take your pick, LOL.” We write what needs writing, when it hits us, right? Thanks, Kerry. Amy
coalblack
September 28, 2014 at 6:05 am
This is so different from what I grew up with. The same feelings were there, but expressed in silences and weird sideways ways.
Amy, I don’t know if you know that my heart’s buddy Bosco passed away. He’s gone to the Rainbow Bridge. 😦
sharplittlepencil
September 29, 2014 at 6:26 pm
Babe, so sorry to hear about Bosco. That is the hardest… next to losing a child you’ve born, I guess. Bosco will live on in stories, and I’m so glad you know about the Rainbow Bridge. The mere thought of it has saved my sanity… and here we are with a 13-year old cat. Knowing I’ll be trampled by them all someday gives me a bit of a twinkle, even when I cry. Bless you… A
ZQ
September 28, 2014 at 8:16 am
Yup! When love becomes a war zone, it becomes devastating. I found alcohol has few boundaries in destroying Love’s sanctuaries. Well written
sharplittlepencil
September 29, 2014 at 6:30 pm
“…destroying love’s sanctuaries.” Eloquently put, ZQ. Thanks.
hedgewitch
September 28, 2014 at 10:30 am
You have painted a familiar canvas here, Amy–every word rings true. I remember hiding from my stepfather when he was drunk, or under the table while my mother and grandmother fought–when I begged them to stop hurting each other, they would say they were just “having a discussion”–I grew up thinking that meant something akin to creating hell. So glad to read your words, and to hear you are doing things in the visual arts. Creating is the best medicine, and thanks for this
sharplittlepencil
September 29, 2014 at 6:36 pm
Hedge, thanks for every single word of your comment. The odd part is, if you get a roomful of children of alcoholic households together, within a half hour someone is bound to say something so off the wall that everyone cracks up. Dark humor is part and parcel of surviving it all. Thanks for sharing some of your experience. I write this stuff so newcomers won’t think they are the only ones…and there is still a piece of me that needs to pack up shards and form a poem from them. A
Sabra Bowers
September 28, 2014 at 10:30 am
Breaks my heart. Glad you have the courage to make art from your pain. Well penned, Amy.
sharplittlepencil
September 29, 2014 at 6:43 pm
Thank you, Sabra. I appreciate the comment.
Björn Rudberg (brudberg)
September 28, 2014 at 12:17 pm
To grow up with those fights.. Sure I knew some (sans the alcohol) – but somehow we cope.. And I guess a divorce would not have been any better..
sharplittlepencil
September 29, 2014 at 6:46 pm
Re: Divorce. Yeah, who knows? In those days, we could have ended up with Dad getting full custody because Mom was a bigger alcoholic. YIKES.
Polly
September 28, 2014 at 5:07 pm
Powerful and poignant – an excellent write
Mama Zen
September 28, 2014 at 5:07 pm
Powerful, raw piece, Amy.
Hannah Gosselin
September 28, 2014 at 5:45 pm
Your opening line sets the tone so well, Amy…emotive poem. ♥
Susie Clevenger (@wingsobutterfly)
September 28, 2014 at 10:28 pm
The first stanza…It sounds like an introduction to my family. This is so full of the pain of dysfunction. Thanks or sharing it with us. I am looking forward to seeing your art work!
sharplittlepencil
October 11, 2014 at 11:38 pm
Susie, you’re a sister. Love, Amy
Roger Green
September 29, 2014 at 5:04 am
Yeah, there’s a lot of fiction in that idyllic family with 2.5 kids in the ‘burbs. Other settings too, of course…
kaykuala
September 29, 2014 at 9:30 am
Two parent family will have to put up with lots of permutations. But it can still be fun. Would very much like to see your paintings. Great lines Amelita!
Hank
Helen
September 29, 2014 at 12:11 pm
This hits hard … so well done.
Sherry Blue Sky
September 29, 2014 at 12:17 pm
Amy, I so lived this scenario…….and I, too, wanted my mother to leave. Was angry because she didnt. You have captured this so well. Glad you are doing art – I came looking for you this morning as hadnt heard from you in a while……..glad you are having fun!
Karen
September 30, 2014 at 5:06 am
Reading this, before your comments, I so hoped you had not lived this. What an awful thing to do to a child.
J Cosmo Newbery
October 4, 2014 at 7:50 pm
Ouch! The hurt shows through. Hope it is just a story, a writing exercise. So glad my family days weren’t like that.
sharplittlepencil
October 11, 2014 at 11:49 pm
Cos, sorry, but I only write what I know; unless it’s explicitly specified in the notes, you can be assured it is moi. But that’s part of the experience that led me to writing. Artists of all kinds make chocolate cake out of dog poop, I guess!
oldegg
October 5, 2014 at 5:58 pm
…without a thought of the kids! Then there are the silences where anger unexpressed floats around the room and children fear any movement and hide.
angieinspired
October 27, 2014 at 2:25 pm
Now I must re-read this book too. Many delicious lines to eat! I am finding we share many common interests/likes.