Johann Ink and I were comparing notes on psychiatry today; much of this poem is derived directly from our three-hour conversation. Johann is a budding poet; we are both what is genially called in our society, “mental health consumers” (in other words, we’re both nuckin’ futs!). If you’ve never had the joy, the incredible honor, of being granted a meeting with a real live board-certified psychiatrist… consider yourself fortunate! Amy
(PS This poem also appears at Writer’s Island for NaPoWriMo 12.)
New Shrink Rap
(from a conversation with Johann Ink)
I’m checking in with my new shrink
society having granted me leave
from my sleeve-silky cubicle (AKA “acting normal”)
Now I sit in a leather chair so large
my feet dangle like Edith Ann
Doc is regally ensconced behind
an impressive antique desk
Drawers full of free pens from drug reps
Myriad diplomas staring me down
and sneering, “We’re smarter than you”
He’s new, at least to me, and eager
to change what my last psychiatrist did
He’s ready to rearrange my brain plane
because he has sample of a new drug
(They tested it on lab rats, so, hey, it must of OK for me)
I state flatly, “I want to maintain my current regimen”
He stiffens, doesn’t care to listen even thoug
I’ve been to the brink and back
(while he’s just read about it a whole lot)
Experience vs. experiments: The Great Battle of Which
“Man,” I itch to say,
“if you want to pimp for Big Pharma,
why not go all the way? Get yourself a solid gold chain
and maybe a diamond in your front tooth…
or don’t monster tires and hydraulics work on a Corvette?”
© 2010 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
Sharp Little Pencil 
pamela
Amy, this is a hard-hitting poem on the all so wonderful, all so knowing, mental health institution in the states. I like how you tell it like it is 🙂
Pamela
Sharp Little Pencil
Thanks, Pamela. You know you can always count on me to spill the beans!! A
PKP aka Pearl Ketover Prilik
Oh Ames. …. Just a wonderful vibrant portrayal of the so-called other side if the couch…great image of ” pimped out psychiatrist” with a potential ” gold tooth”
Sharp Little Pencil
I knew you would get a kick out of that, Pearl Girl!!
Mr. Walker
Count me fortunate. Here, have a nice lie-down and tell me what’s troubling you. Amy, you may have been tactful in his presence, but you ripped him a new one here. I especially liked the diplomas sneering. The Lost Art of Listening.
Sharp Little Pencil
I was as tactful as possible but insistent that I retain my current meds. He was pissed and tried to pull the “I have the diplomas; you don’t,” but I simply countered, “I have the mental illness and my regimen is working.” What I wanted to say was, “Ahem, who is working for whom? Who is making money off this deal?!”
vivinfrance
Ah, Amy, that’s one helluva protest poem. These medical types who think they’re God… A locum doctor spotted something he said was cardiac odoema just after Christmas and – though I’ve been taking heart medication for years and know my own body. His prescription laid me very low for a week, and I only took one dose!
Sharp Little Pencil
Hubris, thy name is Doctor. I’m glad you’re OK, Viv. I had one bad psychiatrist who almost fried my brain! And here, of course, we pay through the nose for the privilege. Amy
Madeleine Begun Kane
Wonderful! I especially liked the ending and also this: “Myriad diplomas staring me down
and sneering, “We’re smarter than you””
Sharp Little Pencil
Funny, it occurred to me that’s a bit of paranoia reflected… don’t I have enough diagnoses??! Amy
Tilly Bud
Bitter and funny at the same time.
Sharp Little Pencil
Can’t live without ’em, and you just can’t shoot ’em!!
Roger Green
you’re no more nuts than the rest of us; probably saner than most.
which, I suppose, doesn’t bode well for the rest of us! 😉
Sharp Little Pencil
Good point, Roger! Actually, before diagnosis and proper treatment, I was MUCH more of a pain in the butt!
Linda
I love the line about pimping for the drug company.
Sharp Little Pencil
That was from my conversation with Johann Ink. We started riffing about how they should dress… our conversation was WAY past what I put on paper! Thanks Linda. Amy
booguloo
“Nucking Futs!” You take the want for laughter into hysteria.
Sharp Little Pencil
Knew you’d like that one, M.
Sherry Blue Sky
So witty. Love the “pimp for Big Pharma”. Aint it the truth? Love “society having granted me leave from….Acting Normal”. Not that any of us have a clue what Normal really is!
Sharp Little Pencil
Ain’t that the truth?! Everyone suffers depression and other things at some point, but usually they just stuff it inward until they get ulcers… and there are drugs to treat that condition, too, LOL. The pimp part came from my conversation with Johann, and we laughed ourselves silly. Amy
Sharp Little Pencil
Normal is as normal does. Which means, to me, that most “normal” people are sort of boring. Artists set a higher standard in a way, for effective communication, for mutual respect, and for mature discourse. At least that’s what I’d like to f%$@ing believe!!!!
Kim Nelson
Yikes! This is so often the case. Those who understand their illness and their wellness get through the processes far less scathed.
Sharp Little Pencil
Too true, Kim. They do not want to hear that all you want is “med mgmt” and that you have found your OWN therapist, thank you very much.
I mean, who is working for whom? Amy
Buddah Moskowitz
YEOW! That’s a good one — that isn’t an ending – that’s an indictment!
Ex-a-Lent!
been to some really substandard health professionals — for myself and for my Little Blonde Talking Monkey — and a good shrink is worth her weight in gold. (I say “her” because the only good shrinks I ever met were women.)
You got me thinking of my favorite therapist – who I think will be the subject of today’s post.
Much peace and love, your brudda from anudda mudda, Mosk
Sharp Little Pencil
Oooh, now I have something to look forward to when I click your link. April ROCKS!
My last shrink was THE BEST – cat name of Raja Rao who was holistic, conservative in dosages, very careful, and never took samples from Big Pharma. Talk about integrity. All my counselors have been women, though – anyone in the Madison area, see Mary Trainor. She’s very kind and so patient, so gentle. But she doesn’t hold back from the tough issues. I’m very happy with her.
You are indeed my brudda from anudda mudda… in fact, my brudda, period. Ameleh
christine
That last paragraph made me laugh, I’ve seen the shrink, I’ve had the paxel, now I just write, bake, sit in the sun and have a good cry now and again, that’s my regime and it’s been working well for 10 years. Watch out for those pimps.
Sharp Little Pencil
I only see “sample-free” practitioners now. My last psychiatrist (in NYS, before we moved here to WI) said, “I don’t take samples because the drug companies are always trying to pay me off to experiment on my patients with drugs that have not withstood the test of time. Every drug has its risks, but I keep up on my research and dialog with other doctors to talk over their experiences.” God bless Raja Rao, MD!
Paul Andrew Russell
This is a great read, Amy, especially the last stanza. 🙂
lucychili
mm yes.
Sharp Little Pencil
LOL, you really got it!
leesis
a great piece Amy.