Still following National Poetry Writing Month at Writer’s Island. Stumbled upon a prompt at Sunday Scribblings, “Design.” You can find this one at Poets United as well, along with many other poets.
Please feel free to comment with critiques if you wish – I really appreciate feedback. Thanks! Amy
Labyrinth
Delicate veins of climbing ivy
Creeping clematis and morning glory shaping
a heavenly, fenced-in fortress turned playground
“Come inside,” they whisper, voices of children.
“Linger awhile. You’re safe here.”
Yes, she thinks. I’ll stay in this haven
until I can make sense of things.
Safe from prying parents who
“only want to help you, honey…”
Yes, I’ll make myself scarce for a brief time-out.
Life is too confusing and no one understands.
Sounds easy, tempting, perhaps, to
hide in a high, wide, heather-rowed hedge
while hedging your bets.
Tracing paths within, flowers begin to
drop from their vines and rot
on the well-trodden, muddy path beneath.
The whispers have turned from beckoning sprites
to taunting, shrill fishwives.
She panics. Where am I now? And why are the voices
now vexing me with matters that do not concern them?
They speak of my secrets and shame and…
Soon time and the complexity of the maze
have overrun thoughts of escape, as isolation
becomes complete… an utter lack of options.
Vines twist around her neck, muting cries for help;
thorns pierce her flesh as morbid curiosity
secures another victim for The Labyrinth.
© 2010 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
Sharp Little Pencil 
booguloo
Beautifully scarey.
Cynthia
What a skilled wordsmith you are! You had me calmly responding to the sweet invitation of the ivy and the children in The Labyrinth and it came as a genuine surprise to be engulfed by something sinister….well written x
Debbie
Amy, I know I sound like a broken record here, because I like everything. But I really do. You have a unique Amy voice to your poetry, with lots of strong imagery. It’s real and I can understand it. 🙂 (I feel stupid when reading some people’s poems, because I just don’t understand them!) I wish I could critique, but I just don’t see things to change and do like others can. I’m joining Jessie Carty for a fun free MFA Mondays there, and hope to get better at knowing how to help others with ideas and help myself revise too. I know you’ve come over there once on a Thursday poem share day and maybe you could come back again. I get ideas and help with poems then too! Okay . . .this was a way too long comment! But thank you for sharing your poetry with us! 🙂 You are doing great!!!!
Sharp Little Pencil
I’ll try to come over, but it will have to be after April PAD is done!! I’m so behind on comments as it is!!
Debbie, you are a source of great support and inspiration for me. Thanks so much! 🙂 Amy
vivinfrance
A complex journey from safe haven to trap – bravo.
Sharp Little Pencil
Thanks, Viv! I needed a “bravo” today….! Amy
Sherry Blue Sky
Oh this one is deep, Amy. The child’s thoughts, the enticing voices that invite, then the strangling vines………this has the feel of a Victorian scene, with attendant emotional darkness. Well done! A darker Secret Garden, one of my fave books as a child.
Sharp Little Pencil
That really is a wonderful comparison, Sherry, and I hadn’t thought of it that way until you said so. Thanks so much for a great comment, Amy
Dick
Delightfully chilling. Shades of Roald Dahl!
Sharp Little Pencil
Flattering comparison, thanks, Dick! Amy
Old Egg
Never trust creeping plants! They don’t seem to think as we do and so easily turn nasty and are so clingy. I have always loved mazes but now with your poem I will have to be careful in future. Intriguing poem.
Linda May
The turn this took made it scary for me. And Mummy told you so, but she will still rescue you.
Sharp Little Pencil
Yeah, ain’t no Mummy in that girl’s world. She’s lost, completely… and that’s truly sad. I didn’t know how it would end until I wrote it… Sorry you had a scare. Amy
Laurie Kolp
Amy~ Vivid images and detail here, along with layers of deeper meaning…
Amanda
Yes, it’s very easy and tempting to get lost that way.
Jae Rose
Getting stuck in the bushes and eaten up by the vines..whichever ever way you try to free yourself they squeeze harder and harder..yes indeed..not wishing to trivialise the nature of your poem but when I thought of ‘Labyrinth’ my immediate thought was of the film..albeit it cheesy I think it probably played helped many a sensitive mind growing up in the 80’s..’through dangers untold and hardships un-numbered I have fought my way here..you have no power over me…’ Jae
Sharp Little Pencil
Jae, I have never seen the movie – damn, I hope no one thinks I’m cheesing off the cheesy, LOL. Like the labyrinth itself, it took on a life of its own once I started writing. Had no idea it would end up with her loss… Thanks, Amy
Alicia
Beautiful imagery and diction. I can’t say which part is my favourite. Every time I think I’ve picked it, another phrase comes by to wow me. Excellent work.
Sharp Little Pencil
Thanks so much, Alicia. I’m glad you stopped by and left a comment! Peace, Amy
Meryl Jaffe
Wow. Great piece. Dark and scary but really well done. I love the promise you set in the beginning, “a heavenly fenced in fortress turned playground…” We should know, fortress tells us this is not what it appears, but speaking for myself, I so wanted to believe this was a magic secret garden of peace and promise. I really loved this this. Thank you.
Sharp Little Pencil
What a nice comment, Meryl, thanks. The problem for this poor girl was that she didn’t have the defenses to sense the danger that lay beyond… I wish for that garden, too; I often find it in meditation. Bless you for your kind words, Amy
Alice Audrey
A clear warning to stay away from the labyrinth.
Sharp Little Pencil
Unfortunately, too tempting, both in reality and as metaphor.
Alice Audrey
Oops. I stopped by to thank you for reading Suzie’s House, then got all distracted.
Tilly Bud
The problem is we see things as we want them to be, not as they are, until it’s too late.
Altonian
The labyrinth, I take it, is a metaphor for the dark side of society, into which it is all too easy to lose oneself. Forgive me, my head is not working too well this week, so I may have got it wrong – but I’ll tell you this, the ‘Labyrinth’ is simply beautiful writing.
Sharp Little Pencil
Leigh, I am humbled that, in spite of “head stuff,” you came up with an apropos comment. Exactly what I was hoping to convey. Thanks, Altonian! Amy
beespoetry
The poem draws you into the Labyrinth along with the narrator, and I shouldn’t have trusted that it would end well for her. 😦
Amazing work though, truly. I love your work.
Sharp Little Pencil
Thanks, Bridget, and I’m so glad I found your blog. Guess you can see I’m a free spirit… and concerned that too many young people, for whatever reason, are drawn to the Labyrinth in its many manifestations because they feel rejected. Two girls were lost in a small town of my previous residence, and I think one was, as my daughter calls herself, gender queer… so sad, huh? But wanted to put it in the girl’s words, because that’s how it starts… pretty, an escape.
Thanks again for a wonderful comment. Love your work, too. Amy