Powerful Urge (For ABC Wednesday and Poets United)
Never one to linger backstage,
craving instead gelled red-hot spotlights overhead.
Sustaining me through sickness, divorce, and
freewheeling, full-tilt mania
Yet there lingers within that nauseating self-doubt:
Will I ever be good enough?
The first time house lights went up,
a chill raised the hairs on my neck,
and I gave out with
the best version of “Skylark” I ever sang.
So maybe the self-doubt is actually
my own spirit stirring me up to help me through.
I am the siren who makes sailors crash into rocks (or fall off barstools)
and I love that power.
© 2011 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
Sharp Little Pencil 
vivinfrance
Good poem. Self-doubt is something we all suffer from – except perhaps the most arrogant people. It does spur us to greater effort.
booguloo
Keep belting it out!
Sharp Little Pencil
You bet, babe!
Roger Green
Totally believe the last sentence. (THUD!)
Sharp Little Pencil
Ha ha, you haven’t even heard me sing!! Funny man, you.
Roger Green
No, you misunderstand – you made me crash into the rocks!
Sharp Little Pencil
Oh, I thought you fell off your barstool, LOL!!! You’re a riot, Roger.
Mary
I love this poem, Amy. I can picture you as a singer. I am sure that the moment you start to sing, self doubt leaves. I heard Barbara Streisand has bad stage fright, but you’d never guess this as you hear her sing. If you ever sing 60 miles west anywhere, let me know. I love “the siren who makes sailors crash into rocks.”
Sharp Little Pencil
My mom once told me she and I were descended from mermaids, that’s where that comes from! Took me years to find a man who didn’t think my voice was more beautiful than just plain ME! In other words, it took Lex to help me understand that…
pmwanken
Self-doubt. It can spur you on as you’ve so aptly captured in this piece…or it can swirl you into darkness. Here’s one I wrote on the subject…
http://whenwordsescape.wordpress.com/2011/01/15/the-pain-of-self-doubt/
~Paula
Sharp Little Pencil
Self-doubt used to hold me captive. Now it’s a catalyst for all sorts of stuff, since I am no longer completely in its thrall. Thanks, Paula!
christine
Those last few lines were very powerful indeed. Love this.
Sharp Little Pencil
Thanks so much, Christine. I have felt this in so many ways during my life on stage.
Kim Nelson
And I love the way you embrace that power, on the page and on the stage. Such confidence and talent are inspiring!
Sharp Little Pencil
It’s the sweetest rush you can imagine. I’ve performed since I was a little kid, professionally since 17. Maybe I’ll post a cut of a song sometime! Thanks, Kim….
Carrie Burtt
You have captured those feelings eloquently in this poem Amy….sorry I have not been by in a while….no internet at home, and work has been a zoo.
Hope you are doing well. 🙂
Sharp Little Pencil
So glad to see you, even occasionally, Carrie. Sorry you are not “linked in” as much as you would like. Hope work gets less “animalistic”! Amy
Dick
Doctor Performance, they call it: the kill-me-now horrors before that first chord and then the adrenaline that sweeps all before it. I went to a gig once with raging ‘flu and came off stage afterwards cured.
Sharp Little Pencil
Yeah, I’ve sung through everything short of the bubonic plague. Spoken like one who knows from gigs!! Your partner in crime, Amy
Blossom Dreams
Yes, embrace the nerves and the self doubt and make them turn into something beautiful! I love singing too, although I’ve never done so publically (except in a choir) – lols xx
Sharp Little Pencil
Hey, I’ve been singing in public since I was five. No kidding. Sent you a link to my latest, lyrics which have a link to my singing the song. Hope folks like it! A
Madeleine Begun Kane
Another delightful poem that I can relate to as someone who worked as an oboist. Good job!
Sharp Little Pencil
Oh, yeah, Mad, you know what that’s about! 😉 Amy