FIRST – a word from Amy. I am not ignoring your comments. My husband, Lex, was just installed (big ceremonial goings-on at our new church home, Lake Edge United Church of Christ in Madison, WI. His mom was able to be here; his friend Rev. Michael Ware (of Webster Baptist Church in Webster, NY) delivered a sermon than included “Amens” and even singing (the man is a force of nature and of the Spirit); and the pastor who introduced us and eventually married us, Rev. Cliff Aerie, who now does sacred jazz (www.oikos.com), brought his sax and joined me and the praise band for music. It rocked, and this new church home has welcomed us with open arms. It’s like family. So I promise to get “back on the job” today or tomorrow, answer all your comments, and post daily once again.
Having said that, the prompt was “Surrender,” and this one is sort of not what you would expect to some from a joyful weekend, but that’s how it goes! Peace to all, and thanks for your patience, Amy
THE PINE BOX
First
it’s being left behind
No matter how long the letting go
a piercing pain of loss permeates
every point of human contact
The look in their eyes
Phone calls from relatives you wrote off long ago and
acquaintances from bridge and board meetings
They’re all so sorry (they never really knew him)
They remember him (vaguely, but you never had us over to dinner)
Then
The Viewing
A blur of
I’m sorry call me are you OK (duh) call me
he was such a good man what a loss to the family
the community
the world
call me
Finally
The Funeral
Same readings as your parents’ services
Same minister, even (wow, he’s getting old)
At the words, “In my Father’s house there are many rooms”
you break down, everybody cries, all fall down
Whoever wrote that part of the Bible
really understood torch songs
The minister drones on about our beloved
He didn’t really know my husband
This is more my church than it ever was his
If funerals are for the living
they should skip the eulogy
Soon The Box will be planted
but our love will continue to grow
through tears and healing and memories and stories we tell
He was just that good
© 2010 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
For Sunday Scribblings (Surrender) and my poetic home, Poets United
Sharp Little Pencil 
Tilly Bud
Congrats to your husband! You sound happy 🙂
Sharp Little Pencil
Yeah, happy, but swamped with comments, backlogged to the max!! ARRRGGGH! Bursitis is ruling my life, too, ugh. But happy still trumps all! 😉 Amy
booguloo
Just tears.
Sharp Little Pencil
Aw, Michael. Cry for happy as well as sad, for this person has been set free! (No more taxes, either) Love, Amy
Kim Nelson
Oh, Amy!
This piece sings of a loving life lived together. You’ve captured the truth of these occasions in all its nuance, but added a layer, a depth of emotion that we rarely address when we find ourselves there. So well done!
Sharp Little Pencil
Kim, I sure appreciate your comment. You always say the best things in your comments! Bless you. Amy
beespoetry
Congrats on the new digs! I hope you guys have a great community out there.
And no worries on the comment responses; I get that you’ve got a life outside of the internet.
Great poem as well. You can really feel the grief, but there are little points of humour in it too (the part where you remark how old the minister is made me chuckle, and the acquaintances springing out of the woodwork clucking over your narrator). I also like the idea of the Box being planted, like new life is going to grow from it. Very cool.
I dunno, I kind of like our Irish way of dealing with loss. We dance and drink and cry and swap stories about the ol’ goat until it doesn’t hurt so much anymore that they’re gone. For now anyway, until we all meet again in the next place. I like the idea behind the “many rooms” in John 14, and Christ preparing a place for all. He’s a decent fellow, I will give Christians that. lol!
Sharp Little Pencil
Bee, I’m Irish to the core. Remember tales of the body being laid on a board and washed by those who loved the person best. Americans took all that tradition away by imposing legal sanctions and creating a cold, clinical industry around death.
When I go, it will be cremation, drinks and a piano and guitars and music and a joyful noise. I hope all the atheists and agnostics and Universalists and Catholics and Wiccans and everybody in my life shows up to remember me. Then I’m thinking of parceling out my ashes in little envelopes, encouraging folks to “take a little Amy home” and plant me in their gardens or scatter that bit of me someplace they love. For some, it will probably be under the floorboards of their favorite bar, LOL!!!
Debbie
I’m so glad that you and Lex are welcomed, loved and appreciated! Your weekend sounded wonderful. And Amy, your poem was really wonderful too. Thank you!
Sharp Little Pencil
This poem resonated with a lot of folks! I’m so glad. Way behind on replies to comments, but this makes it worthwhile… xxoo Amy
Sherry Blue Sky
Beautiful poem, Amy. I love the closing line: he was just that good!
Sharp Little Pencil
Thanks so much, Sherry! A
Altonian
Congratulations to your husband Lex, and you. Sounds like you had a ‘whale of a time’. Your acute poem made me think of some funerals I have attended, where the overall impression was of a gathering of strangers, with the eulogy being given by another stranger.
Sharp Little Pencil
I said to someone earlier that it’s often a pastor who didn’t know the person who delivers the eulogy. I’d rather have none at all. My hubby, a pastor, often asks a family member to do it if they are up to the task – or even a former minister, someone who knew the deceased well. He’s not into half-baked. Thanks, Amy
Old Egg
What a beautiful heartfelt post. Everyone dies but we never know what to say when they do, except sorry. You can prattle on about how good, clever, valuable people they were in an attempt to support in that unbearable grief. The good thing is that most of what people say is quickly forgotten but that leaves you with your own personal grief which is very hard to give up indeed. Surrendering a loved one up is never easy no matter whatever faith or resignation you have when you really have to say goodbye.
Sharp Little Pencil
Robin, you are so right. I can’t remember most of the folks who showed up at various funerals… it’s the months after that count, and the years. I do remember that my dear friend Susan drove up from Jersey after my mom died and stayed over to help me clean up after all the guests and family had gone, leaving me with a kitchen full of dirty dishes. So in the end, it’s about deeds, not words, r ight?
And never pass up the opportunity to say “I love you” or give a hug. You never know when it’s the last one… Thank you for a thoughtful comment, Robin. Amy
neil reid
Oh yes yes yes. How much do we close our eyes to this? This poem opens so many windows – wonderful. Let the air inside! Breathe.
How much much more might we write on this? Thanks. (I got a small stack myself… waiting for words.)
Sharp Little Pencil
Neil, bless you for this comment. That’s the best we can hope for as poets – to open the windows, clear the air, and let that old sunshine in. (“Breathe” is a phrase I’ve been using internally a lot this week. Stressful, bursitis, etc.) Thanks so much, Amy
“
David King
Very moving, the poem, and very enjoyable.
Sharp Little Pencil
Thank you, David. Peace, Amy
Eileen O'Neill
Amy,
First of all congratulations on the wonderful news for your husband with finding his ministry and I wish you all the bestt with your connection to that and the life it will bring to you too.
Your poem was sad, but it was also a very kind tribute.
Best wishes, Eileen
Sharp Little Pencil
Eileen, thanks for the kind words and good wishes. I meant the poem to be tinged with sadness, and glad you mined that part of it… but tribute, yes.
Thanks again, and peace, Amy
Jae Rose
Congratulations to you and your husband – I am not sure of the correct phrase but is it like being ordained into a church? I am glad it led to celebration..the poem was a contrast but also full of love and in a way a ‘coming together’ of people as well..(even if they say annoying things)..the last line was beautiful..but the one that shone out for me was ‘all fall down’..’ring of roses’..how quickly somebody can leave us..Jae
Sharp Little Pencil
It’s so true, the “ring of roses,” the legends. Too quickly we leave this earth, in a variety of ways. Hope you are around for a long, long time, Jae, because your light truly shines. Thanks so much, Amy
christine
skip the eulogy, love this part, made me think, and yet the eulogy is such a strong message to those who often say to themselves at a funeral, “I never knew that about him, wish I had known that guy.”
Sharp Little Pencil
My experience with eulogies is hit or miss. If it’s offered by someone who really knew the person, great; however, often it’s done be default, by clergy who didn’t have the faintest idea of what made the person tick. My hubby often requests someone from the family, or will even accede to a former pastor who knew the person better, in the interests of comforting those left behind. I consider that an admirable position, one of the reasons I think my Lex rocks as a pastor!
But for me, no eulogy. Only songs!!
pmwanken
I’m with Sherry…LOVED the last line!!
Amy…also a big congrats on what sounds like a blessed weekend. How very special for you both.
And thank you for your kind comment on the “wordle” prompt page, including me as one of your “faves”. I’m blessed!!
I was on a bit of a holiday for a few days and was hardly logged onto my laptop…but I’m home now and perhaps will find my way back to regular posting and reading. I started with my take on this week’s wordle prompt: Surrender.
~Paula
Sharp Little Pencil
Paula, I’m catching up on comments right now – and thank you for yours, sincerely – so it will take me a couple of days to traverse all the blogs of friends, but I hope to get there soon! Peace, Amy PS Glad to comment on a kickin’ Wordle!
Jarvis
Never heard of sacred jazz before. What’s the difference with normal jazz? haha.
Sharp Little Pencil
Hey, there, you’ve got me dead to rights. He plays with a band called Oikos, which means “home” in Greek, and they write and perform jazz specific to matters of the spirit. Kind of like Coltrane’s “A Love Supreme,” but often with Christian themes. Pretty Universalist in their approach, though.
Madeleine Begun Kane
I agree — an absolutely beautiful poem!
Sharp Little Pencil
Thanks, Mad, I appreciate this very much! Amy
Blossom Dreams
Hi ya Amy, just to let you know, I’ve put a link to your blog on my page called “My Blogging Friends” 😀
Have a good evening,
Chloe xx
Sharp Little Pencil
Thanks, Blossom! Be right over to return the favor! A
Laurie Kolp
Amy~
You’ve captured well the true sentiments, goings-on, thoughts on a touchy situation.
Oh, and congrats on your wonderful news!
Sharp Little Pencil
Thanks and thanks, Laurie. I’m so pleased, despite being in pain from bursitis, that things are looking up! Amy
LeiffyV
Well Miss Amy, this is a good turn of events for you! It sounds like things are carrying on as they should!
As far as the write goes, fantastic little piece that sings to my black heart but I couldn’t help but see where one version ends and the next begins. Your husband grows and leaves behind the last life which is in the box. Not to mourn the change, just subconsciously acknowledging it.
Then again, I’m weird about things like this. I am a dark little critter at times. Thanks for sharing, you always inspire and encourage with your words in a way I wish I could!
Sharp Little Pencil
Leiffy, first off, this is a poetry that is fictional and open to whatever interpretation one wishes to employ.
Having said that, yours is definitely my favorite!! You bring an insight that is a bit like the Tarot Death card – most folks are scared of it, but it’s actually symbolic of change and renewal. Loved this thought and treasure the time you spent contemplating my poem.
By the way, I’m a dark little critter at times myself – depends from which direction the prevailing winds are blowing – manic or depressive!
Sharp Little Pencil
Leiffy, first off, this is a poetry that is fictional and open to whatever interpretation one wishes to employ.
Having said that, yours is definitely my favorite!! You bring an insight that is a bit like the Tarot Death card – most folks are scared of it, but it’s actually symbolic of change and renewal. Loved this thought and treasure the time you spent contemplating my poem.
By the way, I’m a dark little critter at times myself – depends from which direction the prevailing winds are blowing – manic or depressive!
Heather Whitley Gibson
I have avoided funerals all my life.and have been around alot of them. My Russian friend told me of her father’s death, where she wiped off his make-up-during the funeral-accidental dropping her expensive blush, which took her some time to fish out. He was some what of a Taqlk show host after being ex-comunicated from Moscow.
This is a gem. I would love to here this read. both. thanks for the beautity.
Sharp Little Pencil
Heather, thank you so much for the kind words. What a situation for your friend at her dad’s funeral… oy! The political aspects of his losing his job intrigue me, as we so often think in America that “excommunication” comes from the Church, not from the politicos. I’m coming to look at your blog now! Peace, Amy
Heather Whitley Gibson
thanks, did you get my message? Julia, from Moscow, her father was imprisoned for 20 or so yrs. with a group of poet-political writers, when he was let out(-not from the cold hills-I thought that growing up-) or back into the city, he did a talk show circit, where he became pretty well known. My mom and Dad are into the Church-Catholic Buddist and a stauch atheist(I argue Humanist) Unitarian.
uponthewingsofnight
The last two stanzas were my favorite in this poem. I have had to endure too many funerals in the last few years. Watching my family be reduced down to three members(including myself) is pretty tough to take. All I can do is carry on and carry with me the memories I have of them.