Thirteen Ways of Looking at Men (for We Write Poems, with a nod to Wallace Stevens)
I. They’re different in certain ways, but what’s in common reigns.
II. Through the bottom of a shot glass, darkly.
III. Millions are fathers deserving of respect, when respect is due.
IV. Sometimes, they are bullies or abusive and deserving of no respect at all.
V. As leaders of our nation; therefore, we should elect more women to level the playing field.
VI. Warily.
VII. As warmongers and war profiteers… and troops who actually have to fight the battles.
VIII. While wearing rose-colored glasses (which you will eventually lose).
IX. As friends who are with you no matter what the circumstance, especially if they are gay and you are one of those straight girls who just loves them to death (like me).
X. As husbands or committed partners – in which case, keep your hands off them (straight OR gay!). Monogamy should be honored (and polygamy, well, eeeeeeeew).
XI. As co-founders of our country, along with the mostly forgotten Founding Mothers.
XII. As white/Anglo and born to privilege, never having to earn the money they now fight so hard to keep.
XIII. As people of color who are often overlooked, profiled, or assumed to be criminals, in the US illegally… or born in Indonesia, so he can’t REALLY be president.
© 2011 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
Sharp Little Pencil 
timkeen40
I am number 3 and the first half of number 10, but as a devoted father of a coming of age daughter I agree with number 6 whole-heartedly.
http://timkeen40.wordpress.com
Sharp Little Pencil
Tim, one of the best comments I’ve received so far, especially from a man. You seem to know yourself well and are teaching your daughter how to be careful of where she is and when. My best suggestion for girls is, “Listen to how they talk about their mothers; observe how they treat them. It’s a pretty accurate portrayal of your possible future together.” I also told my daughter’s friends, “NEVER tell them you’re on the The Pill. No raincoat, no singin’ in the rain. If you MUST be sexually active, and believe me, you are too young, but you might get talked into it, always carry your own spermicidal condoms with you. Take some from the cookie jar.” Mind you, these were older girls, in their late teens, but I’ll be damned if I was going to say, “take two aspirin and hold them between your knees,” because these were city kids!
Best of luck, Tim. Your daughter has a tremendous father. You can tell her I said so! Amy
“”
Debbie
Ah Amy . . .what would we do without you? 🙂 There is something about #2 that has me smiling, . . .okay, cracking up! Thank you!
Sharp Little Pencil
Debbie, now, I didn’t figure you for a #2 on that list, but glad you smiled! Smiles are great! Love, Amy
mish
These are real gems , Amy ! I especially like IX-XIII . I have lots of gay friends . I have to say my gay friends have been the most sincere and supportive … from my experience , they’re more trustworthy … (yes , seems like we’re enmeshed … 🙂 )
Sharp Little Pencil
We’re mishmeshed! Yeah, some of the best ‘dates’ I’ve had were being the ‘beard’ for a gay friend who had to attend a family function, etc., in the old days. And my best friend, John, well, I’d trust him with my life. Glad you liked this one, Mish! Popping over to see what you’re up to. Peace, Amy
Mama Zen
All of these are absolutely true, but #5 really resonated with me!
Sharp Little Pencil
Kelli, that particular one spoke to a lot of women, and a couple of men as well. That’s a very good thing! Peace, Amy
Sherry Blue Sky
Good one, Amy………..
Sharp Little Pencil
Thanks so much, Sherry. Hopping over to catch the Wild Woman in action now! Amy
RJ Clarken
What a terrific list…and so typically Amy, too! ♥
Sharp Little Pencil
LOL, thought you would like this, RJ! Peace, Amy
Joseph Harker
*cackle!*
I loved II, IX and XI especially (the Founding Mothers! wonderful!), although I think you might have a few ways of looking at them that I wouldn’t, and vice versa. 😉
Sharp Little Pencil
Welllllll, Joseph… it’s all in the eye of the beholder!! Glad I bought you a smile and a laugh. Boy, I’m waiting for the haters, but they don’t seem to be showing up, or else they’re not commenting…! Amy
mareymercy
Yep, this about covers it.
Sharp Little Pencil
Hah! I still think 13 is not a high enough number… some snarky, not enough complimentary!
vivinfrance
Great list and great advice to your daughter’s friends. My mum just said that if I got pregnant I’d be out in the snow, without even telling me how to do it nor how to avoid it! When I was about to married my fiancé and I bought a book!
Sharp Little Pencil
See, books are better than parents’ advice almost every time. Unless you’re reading Kerouac!
tigerbrite
Good advice. I would pick number five. We need more female energy to balance our world. The love of Venus to quieten fiery Mars.
Sharp Little Pencil
I agree. It’s not that men have totally screwed things up (unless you could the Bush administration in there, and Condi is an honorary “good ole boy”), it’s just the balance, and the fact that we are 50% of the population. We also need more people of color, more religious diversity as well.
Pat Hatt
hmmmm what if you don’t fit any at the moment? hahaha I guess I’m just an odd duck, but of course that would could easily tell from the rhyme and I suppose it’s a good thing I don’t fit into most of those..haha
Sharp Little Pencil
Pat, you don’t have to fit any of them – it’s not an either/or, it’s just writing. No matter what “I.” was on the list, you’re number one in my book! Amy
TheMsLvh
Your comment above:
Listen to how they talk about their mothers; observe how they treat them. It’s a pretty accurate portrayal of your possible future together.”
IS SO TRUE!
#10 made me laugh… the ewwwww part! Like how you numbered this.
Sharp Little Pencil
Funny, the numbering was random… but I guess it worked out all right. If I had been thinking, I would have put #10 into the #1 slot… thou shalt honor the partnerships of all thy sisters… and brothers.
And yeah, I have always found the “mom rule” to be true. I’m glad you agree! Peace, Amy
Bodhirose
Good work! I enjoyed reading your 13 Ways… I loved number 8–true dat! And number 11–I wonder why the Founding Mothers are rarely mentioned in our history? If you’re referring to our current president in number 13, he actually was born in Hawaii but spent time in Indonesia as a young boy.
Have a good weekend, Amy!
Sharp Little Pencil
I emailed you so you won’t think I’m a Birther!
I think the Founding mothers were rarely mentioned unless, like Abigail Adams, they were “welcomed” into their husbands’ realm of power. They were usually back in the home state, tending the farm or business and raising the kids… and that was a helluva lot of work. Our Founding Mothers I tend to think of as Mother Jones, Susan B. Anthony, Sojourner Truth – women two generations after and more, who paved the way for the vote, for feminism… it’s a whole different deal for me!
You have a good one, too, Gayle! Peace, Amy https://sharplittlepencil.wordpress.com/2011/08/29/la-bella-luna-poetic-bloomings/
Kwee Lewis
Okay, I give up! I like all the numbers and find a place to agree with each. Wow. I wonder if I should worry about that 🙂
You did good here.
Hugs and peace!
Sharp Little Pencil
Ha, Kwee, you make-a me laugh big-time!
I wouldn’t worry… I think the guys will have a bigger problem with my thoughts than the women! Peace, Amy
Laurie Kolp
My man is 3 and 10… but he has fought in war, too.
Sharp Little Pencil
Tell him I said thanks for serving, Laurie. Although I am a pacifist, I completely support anyone in uniform (unless they disgrace it, which is seldom), especially those who were drafted in Vietnam… and those who were “weekend warriors” and then sent abroad. I am actively campaigning for those troops to come home.
Thanks for commenting, Laurie! Amy
neil reid
Provocative poem Amy! (what’s new?)
I like to think of myself as something immune (self images can be such a fragile tissue!), but I’m not. (So pardon that this is so much about me, not the poem in this way… ) Funny thing is I much mostly all agree with the poem’s statement (and true for me that men must first prove their trustworthiness to me, unlike women who I assume the other way). But odd then to have my reaction. I think it is the “loudness” of the statements given (make sense?) (all the while still making myself observe that the poem in fact is not all critical of men, not on the whole). (Then again, maybe it don’t seem loud at all to you?)
(So maybe this is all just clearing the air so I can get to a better beginning place. Again, your pardon please.) Don’t want to make an essay here (I could). But also I get the thought, is she (you) alright with all these strong attitudes given voice (meaning I think it would be painful for me) (but then you’re not me). So is that a joke, cause I feel “protective” of you – whose care and commitment seem obvious to me.
So, number one, thank you for the lesson I’ve gained to see “more better” through what seems pain and anger, to the poem (maybe to the person too).
And since you asked, and yes I’m very careful about critique (my background in this poem community), but suppose one question I’d ask of you – do you think (or is that your desire at all) to speak to those that might be the subject of the poem’s criticisms, and do you think such a voice might open their ears or that they would just flee? (Otherwise perhaps the poem is just speaking to the choir?)
Wishing you what success you desire.
Thanks for the new current prompt too!
neil
Sharp Little Pencil
Neil, Neil, Neil. So glad I got to this comment. Of course they were loud. This is me. I provoke, I prod, I try to start discussion. Basically, I love men, almost every one I’ve ever met. Our politics may differ – some I may not want to date my daughter (but she’s gender queer anyway, so no worries there… except for the WOMEN I would not want her to date.) My experiences as a little girl who was molested by her father could easily have turned me into a man-hating bitch, but life has taught me, as has therapy, that there is no point in letting my monster daddy win by carrying around tar in my heart. I’ve actually found my way back to loving him.
I do tend to stick my finger in the eye of politicians who claim to have “family values” and want women to have no access to abortion and birth control – then are caught cheating on their wives. Politicians who DON’T use the “family values” trump card don’t tell others what their moral code should be. That’s why I am an old Leftie.
I’ve had some surprising responses from the men on this one. One identified himself by certain numbers, which I did not expect. This was very much a “seat of my pants” poem, not subject to rigorous editing… I wanted it to be one of my more rantish poems. That was the intention. That’s why I invited people to speak from the heart about how they felt when they read my work. For those who are, say, #12s, they will simply write me off as a ball-buster, which is cool. And #13 was even misconstrued as thinking I was a “birther,” (the part about Obama being born in Indonesia, entirely ironic), which taught me to be more careful in the sense that not everyone knows who I am and may not “get” what is ironic and what is not. Most of it may speak to the choir, but I wish there was more dissent, personally.
People are getting to know me in our circles. They know I’m a rowdy, greying hippie musician jazzer, etc. As to what success I desire: Simply being able to have this blog, to read in public occasionally, to have the ‘scratch’ to purchase a hard copy of the Poets United Anthology, to be published here and there… I learned as a musician what it takes to be “money-sucessful,” and I’m not willing to sacrifice my mental health or my marriage to achieve it! Thanks so much, Neil. Peace, Amy
brian
nice list…nice caviat to #3…some nice commentary as well on the many facets of men as a group…unfortunately not all men live up to the same ideals…i chuckled at #8
Sharp Little Pencil
Brian, so glad to have men who read this blog and have a sense of humor. This was written pretty fast, so I looked back after posting and thought, “Geez, hope I don’t piss anybody off.” Yes, #3, quite frankly, is dedicated to my own father… who made the biggest mistake a father can make. I LOVE MEN. They are friends, supporters, coffee friends, confidentes… my life as a jazz singer, surrounded mostly by men, afforded me few girlfriends, but I’m making up for lost time now. And my husband? Didn’t need the rose-colored glasses with him – he’s a keeper, that Lex. Thanks for responding so positively, Brian! Peace, Amy
Renee Espriu
As always your cutting edge view on life and sense of humor mingle to give your words a reality that few could deny. Awesome!
Sharp Little Pencil
Renee, can’t thank you enough for this. Glad the humor came through (and hopefully the irony on the Obama thing; I was making fun of Birthers). Love hearing from you! Peace, Amy
Mr. Walker
Amy, a delightful read. You got men in their various guises and roles. I really liked that first one, despite all our differences, you can’t escape biology. You know, men just have that thing that gets in the way. I loved six (sex) – “warily”. And you managed to speak for women too. Brava!
Richard
Sharp Little Pencil
Richard, I was SO SURE I was going to get raspberries from men on this one… truthfully, it was an off-the-cuff entry, but that means it was from the heart.
I love men – their complexities, their puppylike enthusiasm, their eagerness to learn… of course, I am surrounded by the best – or in contact with them via our blogs.
“Men have that thing that gets in the way”? Mr. Walker, you make me blush, ha ha. And “warily” got the most votes! Thanks so much, my friend. Amy
Mike Patrick
Oh how to defend men against this onslaught?
Actually, you did pretty well. We men are different, but have one-track minds.
Don’t know about how we look through a shot glass, but the ladies always get prettier at closing time.
Great fathers are like the silent majority. The only ones you hear about are the duds.
I’ll admit I don’t understand the mindset that draws women to abusers, and I don’t understand why they stay.
I don’t care about the gender of our elected officials, but honesty, integrity and a modicum of morality would be nice.
Warily is exactly right. What is the hurry to get into a relationship? Taking the time to get to know someone before ‘hooking-up’ is simple common sense.
I doubt we will ever see the end of wars. Mankind will find something to fight about whether its money, power, religion, slavery . . . .
The rose-colored glasses reflect back to the abusers.
Friends, male or female, gay or straight, are worth their weight in gold.
Husbands or committed partners? Bring them on, we have to get away from one-parent families.
We must remember our ancestors, male and female. Their sacrifices are our history.
All our peoples must learn to live together. No one wants to see riots and battles in the street like those occurring in other parts of the world.
Sharp Little Pencil
Mike, you managed to elucidate your views right down the line. Number three was in reference to my father, who abused me. I’ve learned that, often, people who have been themselves abused tend to marry abusers – it’s a difficult cycle to break unless one has access to therapy. My first time around it was mental/controlling abuse; then, I got therapy and figured out the Dad thing and now have a healthy marriage. My daughter thinks so, too, and she sees in Lex a wonderful role model.
And you are so right about friends. I have so many – even my blogging friends are becoming family. I was also completely honest about keeping hands off members of committed relationships. Whether or not they have children, I do believe that bond is sacred, no matter the gender orientation.
On remembering our ancestors, I replied elsewhere that our Founding Mothers are, for women, people such as Susan B. Anthony and Sojourner Truth; Jane Addams and others who fought for the vote, for birth control, for our voices. I would include the late Rep. Barbara Jordan in there, as well as the late Gov. Ann Richards, as both held a lot of sway in contemporary political affairs. Barbara Jordan, had she not been waylaid by MS, would have made a tremendous president.
And yes, I agree. Until we learn to live together in peace, we have nothing. Our church is hosting an Islamic/Christian summit to better understand the nature of those religions (we also did one with a Jewish temple a few years ago), finding our common roots in monotheism and the God of Abraham. I’m sure a poem or two will sprout from that, right? Peace, my friend, and thanks again for an excellent comment. Amy