Catching the last breath of Sunday Scribblings, laid low with flu that comes and goes. If I hear, “it’s going around” one more time, I’ll… cough unproductively!
Sunday Scribblings asked for a sensation (in this case, I borrowed that of another), and Three Word Wednesday used Backward, Ease, and Omission. Seemed to go together… Peace to all, Amy
Tightwire With Glass Shards and No Net
Her uncomplicated memories of growing up
The ease with which she blocks out
who dad was and what he did…
Insisting he hung the moon and stars
Not a sin, but a shame, this omission.
She remains his prisoner, unbalanced,
dreams filled with violence,
legs kicking away at something,
she can’t quite see its face…
Look backward, angel.
© 2011 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
Also at my poetic collective home, Poets United.
Sharp Little Pencil 
kaykuala
Sadly a father who is a protector took on the responsibility too harshly. Rare but it happens. Excellent take Amy!
Hank
Sharp Little Pencil
I wish I could say it was that rare; however, most molesters are fathers, uncles, grandpas, or closed, trusted family friends. People whom other adults would never believe could do something so abhorrent, even if the kid spoke up. Thanks, Hank. Amy
vivinfrance
I’m so sorry you’re poorly. A disturbing poem, on many levels. Your last line: it doesn’t do to look back, specially when crossing a tightwire. Look forward, angel.
Sharp Little Pencil
Thanks, Viv, for your good wishes. Doing better today.
In this case, Viv, the only way she will heal is to confront the past, with a good therapist, and work through it. Took me 15 years to forgive him. You’re right about the tightwire metaphor, though; guess it doesn’t do to look back in that case, YIKES!
Tilly Bud
Wouldn’t it be better to look forwards?
Sharp Little Pencil
One really cannot look forward without confronting the past. The woman I speak of is 60, plenty of life left… but is so PTSD whackadoodle about things, so hard to be with in social settings…
If only the past could be erased, I’m all for looking forward; however, when that past drags on you, informing your every move, then it’s time to do a 180. Thanks, Linda. Love, Amy
Roger Green
I always thought of you as a PRODUCTIVE cougher! Very funny intro, considering you were feeling like crap!
Sharp Little Pencil
Thanks, Roger… I can always count on you for a giggle! Thanks, Amy
Altonian
In all my 78 years, I have never seen, heard of, or suspected a case of real-life incest and child abuse. Only what I have read about in news stories. I suppose it does happen, but I have no first, or second hand knowledge of the real thing. I do honestly suspect though, that a lot of cases are falsely induced ‘memories’ provoked by shyster, pseudo psychiatrists. I won’t make a lot of friends with this view, but that’s life!
Sharp Little Pencil
Leigh, you are absolutely welcome to express that thought here. Sometimes it’s hard to believe (just as with people who insist they were abducted by aliens, lifted from their beds, “probed” – and the boys/men, always anally). This, I believe is a memory trying to break through. And it IS possible to live all your years and never hear about it, but it could be happening in your neighborhood. Look at the little girl who walks head down, who jumps when you tap her shoulder; the little boy who always sits on Uncle Tommy’s knee… I’m not saying that’s all you look for, but offering a possibility. Molesters are almost never strangers, but pillars of the community, good dads, caring uncles, clergy who go out of their way to befriend the kids… trusted men, and 93% heterosexual.
What happened to me was visceral. I would be meditation, lying prone on the bed, then my head would tilt back, something large would enter, I would feel the rhythm… I honestly though I had been possessed by a demon. Those incidents, coupled with various bits of memory, pieced together like a sick jigsaw puzzle… it happens to boys and girls, too, But this is my belief. It was later confirmed by my mother, who had also been molested. She thought if she stayed with the family, at least she could try to protect us. Took me years to forgive them, but I write these pieces not out of vengeance, but in hopes that someone else who thinks they may be “possessed” might think it over.
I do agree with you on one point – there have been some HORRIBLE practitioners who blame everything from bad dreams to whatever on childhood rape.
Beriowne
Hope you finally find that peace you seek, Amy. BTW, I liked that Thomas Wolfe reference at the end…
Sharp Little Pencil
Glad you caught that Wolfe reference, turned on its ear, Berowne. The girl in the piece is not me; I have found my piece, although I continue to write about my experiences. It’s someone whom I know and love very much…
mish
This really gave me a chill ! It highlights the long term repercussions of parental abuse … especially the deep emotional/psychological conflict that lingers .
Sharp Little Pencil
Not all our friends agree on the subject, and that’s fine. Each has an opinion. The lingering effects of this abuse (especially when Mom knows and leaves the house anyway), are staggering. For me, it’s been 20 years of working it out. This was written about a friend of mind who is going through hell, with her long-dead dad still calling the shots…
Nanka
Well done Amy and I felt the shards stab me in the back!! Very sensitively written and reading the last line, I did feel like it was very protective and was the voice of a guardian!!
Sharp Little Pencil
Nanka, thank you for the lovely comment. I know what you mean about the shards, and I’m sorry – but part of my writing these is to help other women FEEL their shards, look for help, know the guilt and shame they feel are things they did not earn and from which they can be freed.
Victim or survivor? Eventually, it’s our choice. And yes, the last line was inspired by the grandma Blanche, my guardian angel. Thank you, thank you. Amy
Mike Patrick
The title creates tension, the poem carries it through, and then the final line softens it the tiniest bit. I wonder if it would read differently if the title had been “Look Backward, Angel.” You have to admit, that would make one heck of a title. Just thinking about it, words start swirling.
Sharp Little Pencil
You know, Mike, I actually considered that. But ultimately, I felt it would take away the punch of the line at the end. My plea, my calling her “angel,” is not only inspired by Tom Wolfe; it’s also trying to nudge her into getting help. Better a sweet comment than a bludgeon, you know?
But I was “thisclose” to naming it just that, good call, my friends! Amy
Sherry Blue Sky
This is wonderful, Amy. One understands the girl, in her denial. Love the last line, that way lies healing.
Sharp Little Pencil
Knew you’d get the last line, Sherry. Thanks so much! :Love, Amy
Debbie
Once again you handled something hard, with your poetry, words, and wisdom. Thank you, Amy! I’m praying for all the angels out there that need to read this, need to know they aren’t alone and that there is light ahead.
Sharp Little Pencil
You know, Debbie, that’s a wonderful thing to do. I pray, as well; I also speak out as a survivor (not a victim) of incest, in hopes that others can cast off that unearned shame they bear… Thanks, dear. Amy
Dick Jones
Excellent. Short, bleak and powerful.
Sharp Little Pencil
Dick, thank you so much for the compliment. Brevity is my biggest challenge, so I particularly appreciate this. Amy
Leif G.S. Notae
Hmmm, this is quite potent and powerful. It certainly resonates more than I expected and cuts through to the heart of the matter. I can always count on you hitting it where it matters, even when you aren’t at your best due to illness. Hope you get better soon. Thanks for sharing Amy!
Sharp Little Pencil
Thanks, Matt, especially for acknowledging that I was working “in the line of fire”; specifically, my 102-degree fever! I’m fine now, but man, the flu does humble one.
I truly appreciate this positive feedback from you and will come by and see what’s up on your side of the blogosphere. Peace, Amy
Kim Nelson
Brilliant. Insightful. Filled with truth and honesty. And I second Mike’s suggestion…
Sharp Little Pencil
Kim, this is so interesting! Once again, I will take a look; as I said, I was thisclose to that title… but whatever the title, thank you so much for your kudos. They mean a lot to me! Peace, Amy
https://sharplittlepencil.wordpress.com/2011/09/19/i-never-lost-faith-in-love-abc/
Sheilagh Lee
so sad.
Sharp Little Pencil
Oh, yeah. I hate watching people go through this, when I know there is help available.
Renee Espriu
I appreciate and respect you for your honesty and ability to share. My very best friend changed her entire name in an effort to start new after lots of counseling. One can only wonder why it ever happens. You are a beautiful person, Amy. Don’t every forget that.
Sharp Little Pencil
Renee, bless you for this. It’s not easy, watching a friend suffer when you know that help is available. And as far as your friend goes? Hey, whatever works, right? Change your name, DEFINITELY your address… and get the help that’s available.
I think in my father’s case, it was experiential – he was stuck in military schools by his snooty parents, and was a “little fish,” if you know what I mean. I think he was sick, but acting out his illness the only way he knew how. It’s like he was two different people – and neither of them were much fun…
Counseling has taught me I’m not a victim; I’m a SURVIVOR. That’s my prayer for others and the reason I’m so open on this subject, in hopes it will reach someone who will think, “Oh, it’s not just me…” and get help. Thanks – you are a beautiful person, too, honey. Amy