If you are not prepared to read about sexual abuse of a child, please skip this poem. If you have nightmares of being “invaded,” this poem may help you to seek therapy. Your call. Scroll down for the poem. Peace, Amy
My Turn Tonight
Door opens, cringe-creaking
Covers pulled over my head
Keep still, stay quiet
Someone else’s turn instead?
No, I’ve drawn the unlucky card
Trembling as he turns my face
to face the unfaceable and
endure this sick disgrace
Morning, choking back chalk
Sheets dampened by sweat and the sinner
I’m pretty quiet at breakfast
But he grins like a Derby winner
© 2012 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
For Three Word Wednesday: Dampen, Keep, Tremble
Also at my poetic haven, Poets United.
NOTES: Through therapy, I made the journey from remembering to understanding it wasn’t my fault to shrieking truth at the long-dead man in the empty chair to acceptance, and ultimately, forgiveness. Once I forgave, the whole thing became a bubble over in a corner of my mind, where I could examine it on my own terms. The journey took 15 years, and I write about these events to help others connect. May incest, child abuse, child pornography… all die away, and love prevail.
If you suspect a child you know and love is being sexually abused, whether by their father, uncle, brother, teacher… be it a boy or a girl, let that child know they can talk to you about anything at all. Tell them that no matter what, grown-ups should never make a kid keep secrets, especially secrets that scare them. You could save a young person from suicide. Trust me. I was almost there. Peace, Amy
Sharp Little Pencil 
Debbie
I am so glad that you write these poems, Amy. I cry every time, but I know that they are helping someone. So thankful that you are here with us yet, reaching out. love you.
Sharp Little Pencil
Deb, they are less painful to write as time goes on, and if even ONE person or child is helped, all the better. I’m an open book. Love, Amy
Diane Turner
Hooray for you to have gotten the help. Predators all in the guise of fathers, brothers, stepfathers, uncles, teachers, priests. I know your pain. I’d often wished I had a whip and a chair when I was 7. Your choice of words is stunning.
Sharp Little Pencil
Oh, Diane, your courage is wonderful. If I had had a whip and a chair at 7, not understanding that things weren’t my fault, I would have sat down on the chair and played with the whip! Didn’t have a strong bone in my body, including my cranium. Perhaps you are made of sterner stuff! Amen. Amy
Steve E
Amy, this is another time I’m ashamed of being human. What a dishonor on all mankind are the years of fear, horrific chaos, and unspeakable acts you were forced to sustain.
I do not know you, except for here, but I feel so personally saddened, to realize once more, that these crimes are committed daily time and again, in every neighborhood in the world.
Human indignities and suffering of the type you endured are what offend God the most, and make Him to sigh–and cry! And certainly one of God’s ‘will-for-you’ things, that you give others the message of eternal hope, faith, and love. Through sharing your experiences. NO ONE is better qualified than you, to give consolation to others.
LOVE and PEACE!
Sharp Little Pencil
Steve, I’m humbled by your reply. As with all things controversial, including my mental disorders, I am open and self-affirming about the molestation. The more we talk about it, whether on blogs, in coffee shops, at support groups, or with a therapist, the fess unearned guilt we feel. The stigma MUST stop, and we MUST educate our kids beyond “Good touch Bad Touch” that it’s never OK for an adult to make a child keep a secret… that someone will always protect them.
Thanks so much, and bless you. Peace, Amy
El Guapo
Your strength at facing and sharing this is stunning, and inspirational.
Rock on Amy!
Sharp Little Pencil
Guapo, I’m telling you, it took years to dredge up this bitter experience. No wonder I had so much trouble swallowing pills, why I was such a fearful child… except when I sang. He could never touch me in the limelight, and I’m sure it helped lead me, consciously or unconsciously, to my career in music. Thanks, man. Love, Amy
Hannah Gosselin
Amy, my every fiber goes out to that younger hurting self to the one that had to find a way to fix this. So unfair. So wrong. I’m so saddened that so much of it happens. Petrified that anything EVER happen to my children. God’s comfort and blessings on you, Amy.
Here’s how I included the words this week:
http://wordrustling.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/thick-quill-ed-thoughts/
Sharp Little Pencil
Hannah, you’re a great mom and you know what to look for. As long as your kids know they NEVER keep a secret from Mama, not even if somebody said they’d hurt you, your kids will be fine. And my “little girl” (the child within) is being nurtured through therapy… will have a look, and THANKS for leaving an exact URL to your post!! Love, Amy
Hannah Gosselin
Thank you, Amy, for reading and I also appreciate your thoughtful response to my response. So very assuring…blessings. 🙂
Gilly Gee
Well done for helping to bring this into the open, thats what is needed. Well written too.
Sharp Little Pencil
Welcome, Gilly, and thank you. I write a lot about things folks usually repeat in whispers, including mental disorders and gay/lesbian concerns (I’ve been an LGBT ally since I was FIVE!). I’m coming to see your blog now. Peace, Amy
Roly
Reblogged this on Sarchasm2 and commented:
I am worried by the amount of rape and child abuse in my country, where the statistics are horrific. Men that do this often go unpunished and go on to abuse others.
Sharp Little Pencil
Interesting to note that 92% of men who abuse prepubescent boys and girls self-identify as straight. People think it’s gay men with boys. Truthfully, it’s all about asserting power over the weaker, and it’s usually something they themselves experienced as well… You’re right, Roly. Peace, Amy
Roly
Shared on my facebook page too.
Sharp Little Pencil
Thanks so much for re-blogging. This is a courageous act, reblogging this post, because it is so close to the bone, you know? I admire you for that. Amy
Tilly Bud
Oh Amy. Heartbreaking.
Sharp Little Pencil
I appreciate that so much, Tilly… Peace, Amy
kaykuala
Oh, I’m awfully sorry to see a damning episode as this, Amy! You did well to highlight this human tragedy. A common occurrence apparently but cloaked under threats and violence to the victims. That most adults are not aware even if these are perpetrated under their very noses. The vile happenings may just linger on until discovered usually by chance. The culprits invariably are known to the victims, a close relative mostly. It’s a pity!
A brave write Ma’am!
Hank
Jacs
You are an inspiration! Thank you for sharing! 🙂
allthingsboys
Very powerful. Thanks for sharing, and helping the world understand!
Polly Robinson
Amy, you just stun me with work like this.
I want to let you know that I’ve created a new page on my blog called ‘Awards’ and that I’ve linked to you there – and nominated you for all of them – Polly x
purplepeninportland
That was an extremely courageous and unselfish act. I commend you, even as my heart goes out to you. I’m so glad you are still with us.
Ribbons Undone
Oh gosh. That gave me the shivers and made me nauseous all at the same time. I went through that too only it was with my grandfather. I applaud you for having the courage to work through your emotions, forgive and write about it. *big safe hugs*
Renee Espriu
Child abuse in any form is never okay and I commend you for stepping up and posting what is not always easy because your heart reaches out to those of others. Thank You! I have posted something today you might want to read….or not. 🙂
brian miller
hard read…many of the kids i work with have been abused and so i face it on a regular basis…and i am glad when they feel they can talk about it and for them to know it is not their fault….powerful ma’am
Lance
Thank you for being strong enough to write about yours. I’m not strong enough to write about mine.
This was amazing.
Inside the Mind of Isadora
Well written my dear friend, Amer. You do a great justice to this cause. Your inner and outer strength to help others is admirable. I salute you for what you do.
Blessings and Namaste …
Peace,
Izzy xoxo
kimnelsonwrites
Keep up sharing your hard-earned wisdom and forgiveness, Amy. So many need to hear the message, the truth.
zongrik
you are so brave to open up like this
ihatepoetry
Write your heart, babe, you done good. Love, Moskowitz