Rocket Ship To The Sun
“Last call for boarding the
Sharp Little Special Rocket Ship to the Sun!”
(now that’s what I call a red-eye flight)
(They’re all showing up because
it’s free, no matter the destination
That’s how dense they are, accepting my invite)
“Your pilot, George W. Bush (in a codpiece)
Co-pilot, Marcus Bachmann (he’s submissive)
Flight attendants, catering to your every whim:
“Britney Spears, Michelle Bachmann, that preacher who
keeps predicting the end of the world” (I just want to help)
“All the Wiggles (sorry, kids, it has to be done)
“Your mechanic, Ted Nugent (resume too long, see below)
Your super-secret incognito flight security man
will be Tom Selleck, replacing Charleton Heston
“The guys who checked you all in but will skip
the actual flight: Scooter, Glenn, Rush and Dick”
(should get those last two too close, it’s Dick Cheney)
“As for the passengers: Neo-Nazis, skinheads,
bullies, homophobes (too bad Anita Bryant didn’t
stick around for this one, she would have loved it),
“Christians who think anyone who’s not ‘their brand’
is banned from heaven, from America, and of course
from their church of undesignated affiliation…
It’s a mighty big ship, so there’s room for everyone.
No need for safety precautions; just sit back, sip
a martini, and enjoy the music, which will be
428 hours of Slim Whitman, plus an in-flight movie,
First Class’ Tom Cruise in “Rock of Ages” (barf bags provided)
After that, your final destination will be a relief
Enjoy your flight!
© 2012 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
For Trifecta, who wanted us to use the world “flight” in a poem, as in: a trip made by or in an airplane or spacecraft; a scheduled airplane trip. Also at my poetic launching pad, Poets United.
My dear friend Jason Ward introduced me to the concept of planning his “rocket ship to the sun.” His roster changes from time to time, but mine is startlingly similar.
NOTE ON TED NUGENT: He’s a darling of the Right now because he offers his ranch to Iraq/Afghanistan veterans, mostly amputees. He gives them assault weapons and lets them shoot animals he’s imported for their killing pleasure. (Mind you, many of them have PTSD and this is the last thing they should be doing… if Ted really cared, he’d pay for their counseling and psych meds.) Yet the same TED NUGENT, when it was his turn to serve in Vietnam, smeared himself with feces and pretended to be mentally ill at the draft board. Anyone who avoided Vietnam, hooray, it was another stupid White Guys Know How To Rule Everyone war… but to come back years later and claim solidarity with people who actually served and were wounded? Please.
If you don’t see your favorite purveyor of hate and would like to have them added to the passenger list, feel free to mention them in your comments. I will review the list before issuing final invitations. (When Pres. Bush heard the pretzels were free and we’d have N.A. beer, he said, “Hell, yeah, when do we take off?”)
Yeah, I’m going to catch heck for this one, but somebody’s gotta say it. Amy
Sharp Little Pencil 
Lance
funny, provocative, and poignant. My favorite kind of art.
well played, ma’am
Sharp Little Pencil
Thx, Lance!
brian miller
hahaha….a ship of fools eh? i think i will pass on the trip but will carry the baggage to help some of these get loaded faster…smiles…and thank you for the wonderful comment at dverse….smiles….
Sharp Little Pencil
I love your work so much, Brian. What’s not to like? And you are NOT allowed to be on the rocket ship to the sun. What a waste that would be, as it’s a one-way trip filled with people you would not like! A
Charles Elliott
Maybe you could bring back smoking on THIS flight! Certainly you are really smoking this passenger list. $8 pretzels? All these guys are traveling with a lot of baggage! Make ’em pay! Fun, Amy!
Sharp Little Pencil
Hell, I won’t be on it, so smoke ’em if you got ’em, GWB!!!
Sherry Blue Sky
This is great, Amy. So ironically humorous. But the thought of vets suffering from PTSD being invited/encouraged to shoot animals? so horrifying! Thanks for telling it like it is, and keeping us informed. I had no idea.
Sharp Little Pencil
I had to find out on “no Reservations,” a show where chef Tony Bourdain travels the world. Once Nugent lets him shoot something with a high-powered rifle, he starts getting on board the Testosterone Express. That’s when I stopped watching Tony’s show: He said, “You gotta love the Nuge.” No, I don’t! A
Lumdog
Wow! I don’t know what to say. I loved everything in this piece. I had to read it a couple of times just to enjoy all the tasty morsels. Since you asked who else to invite, I would add anyone who thinks that someone who is not “their kind” is not worthy. Thank you.
Sharp Little Pencil
Yeah, but read farther down, I knew I’d get in Dutch with someone!
Jeanna
Oh my goodness, the list of people I would add would be way too long. I’ll settle for my mother-in-law. You can even put her in first class as long as she just goes. I love the idea. And the conversation between Rush and Dick would be hilarious.
vivinfrance
and if your ma-in-law reads this blog: take cover.
Sharp Little Pencil
Viv, good save!
Roger Green
Yup. DON’T GET ME STARTED…
kaykuala
Hah! A Noah’s Ark of strange bedfellows. Make it clear it’s a one way ticket privilege. I don’t have names but I’m sure there are enough names to cause an immediate take-off for full loads of many ships. Hilarious Amy!
Hank
Sharp Little Pencil
Thanks for your sense of humor, Hank!
Old Egg
The sad thing about this very funny post is that you see no change of attitude ever happening. Hopefully all our small cries in the wilderness will one day be heard…women did get the vote!
Sharp Little Pencil
Only after enough men got hip to the injustice. That’s why straight women should “pay it forward” and supported marriage equality, in my opinion.
vivinfrance
Fa-bu-lous (à la Simon Cowell – and he could go as well) I don’t know all the American references, but I trust your judgement, Amy. My favourite group to go: “Christians who think anyone who’s not ‘their brand’
is banned from heaven, from America, and of course
from their church of undesignated affiliation…”
Sharp Little Pencil
Ah, Simon could serve the drinks with the fussy little bottles and critique people’s choice of liquor! Ha!
claudia
haha..love it.. i had a few names to add to the passenger list as well..smiles
Misky
What a good laugh! Thanks, Amy. I can’t think of anyone to add; think you’ve covered this list. 🙂 Here’s my offering on the prompt. http://miskmask.wordpress.com/2012/08/08/trifecta-flight-number-88/
wolfsrosebud
looks like you had some fun with this one… I wonder where you stand… smiles
ihatepoetry
Bril- funny and bril, by sistah!
Lindy Lee
You’re a brave, smart girl, you Sharp Little Pencil you. Hear! Here! in particular where you write, “Christians who think anyone who’s not ‘their brand’ is banned from heaven, from America, and of course from their church of undesignated affiliation…”
Sharp Little Pencil
Ironically, it’s fellow Christians who get their panties in a knot being called out like that! What a world… Amy
Renee Espriu
Too funny! Spot on and the truth can be hysterical at times. 🙂
Steve E
Purveyor of hate, methinks is YOU, Baby Doll…but I luv ya anyways. You are NOT bad, but sure prejudiced and/or misguided, and sound full of hate. Not to create an online battle here, but I need to express–even if poorly–my thought, and the thoughts of maybe half of the population.
I believe there is room for ALL of us–here, in space, and in heaven–if there is that place.
Wish you were around in 1939, you might have turned the tide of German public against Der Fuhrer, and avoided WW II…
My church is the Universe, and I’m out there traveling my small part of it right now.
Hope we still friends who disagree, rather than enemies who cannot EVER see that another might have a different point of view, and might not be ALL WRONG!!!
LOVE and PEACE!
Steve E
Sharp Little Pencil
Steve, see, this is why we get along. We are diametrically opposed as far as worldview but we respect each other. My Rocketship is, of course, metaphorical, but it is indeed an indictment of those who practice hatred of their fellow humans on a daily basis. My ship is filled with homophobes who actually pretend to speak for God by condemning people to Hell. That’s not very Christian, if you consider that Jesus not only said, LOVE, but said to pray for your enemies.
As a Christian, I prayed for Osama bin Laden to find peace and abandon hatred. Same for George W. Bush, who put thousands of kids in harm’s way over a personal vendetta against Saddam Hussein, while abandoning the hunt for bin Laden. It saddens me no end that both these men were killed, because they should have gone in front of the Hague and been tried and sentenced to life in prison, fading into obscurity. I felt the same about Timothy McVeigh, who took the coward’s way out by insisting he be killed while he still thought of himself as a martyr to the cause.
Certainly I’m being judgmental in this piece, and I said I’d catch hell for writing it, but the point of view I cling to is this: I said nothing hateful outright; I put in a few digs, and I had fun writing it. All of us have a rocket ship to the sun, if we are honest, and I know my own sister would be the first to put me on hers.
We can ‘agree to disagree’ about everything, save this: BIGOTRY. I will never condone it, and it’s my one real prejudice. Also cowardice by Chickenhawks like Ted Nugent, Former President Bush, and much of his administration. They had their chance, they dodged it, fine. But to come back later and be all “boo-rah” is simply too hypocritical for me, and I’ll speak truth to that power any chance I get.
And I never said anyone was going to Hell. I don’t believe in Hell, except here on earth. Hell is eating sand so Halliburton can make a profit. It’s child slave labor so Americans can shop at Wal-Mart and get “deep discounts” (but watch the foreign produce – lysteria and E. Coli outbreaks are getting more common). America has all sorts of hell. It reeks of it, starting on Avenue K and on Wall Street.
Hatred is not what I’m selling here. It’s satirical revenge, but SATIRE is the main focus. Sorry if I wasn’t clear.
Yes, we’re still friends, Steve, and I hope we always will be. I didn’t intend hatred with this, but if that’s how it came off, I’m sorry, because I don’t want to alienate someone as nice as you. Email me if you want and we can speak offline! Good biking to you, babe, and peace, Amy
jcosmonewbery
George in a cod-piece??? If I have nightmares, I’ll blame you!
Sharp Little Pencil
He already wore one when he “co-piloted” (yeah, right) the plane that landed on that destroyer when he declared the Iraq War was over. Remember “Mission Accomplished,” when they served the troops steam-plated turkey, while George toddled around with a plastic realistic looking turkey with all the trimmings, as though they were getting real food? Wow, if you missed that one, it’s a shame… Thanks, Cos. Amy
Renada Styles
now that, ma’am, was a true masterpiece!
Wisper
I love the passenger list. I may have to borrow this idea some day…
jannatwrites
This was creative and funny, too! I really like the part about Rock of Ages and the barf bag being provided. I hope you’ve got extra…from what I’ve heard, you’d need every last one 🙂
Sharp Little Pencil
Oooh, baby, I think we’d have to kill a tree to provide enough barf bags for that stinkeroo! A
trifectawriting
Dammit. I was mentally crafting my comment as I read, and it was going to say something about how you’d forgotten Tom Cruise. And then, bam! there it was. Sigh. Funny response. Looks like we have a rather liberal group of Trifectans reading. Or at least commenting. 🙂 Loved it. Hope to see you back soon.
Annabelle
Boy, that’s not a ship I’d care to spend time on!
SaraV
Amy, I love you! I was laughing so hard. We travel on the same plane (pun fully intended) the one empty of judgment and filled with love, and lots of laughs:-)
Sharp Little Pencil
Even though my sarcasm was lost on a couple of folks, I know most people understood that just because I’m a pacifist doesn’t mean I don’t have my snarky moments! Difference is, even at my snarkiest, I don’t run out of words and start hitting or shooting or whatever… Thanks, my buddy! And PLANE? Grooooooan, ha ha ha