Formula for a Lasting Marriage
Uncle Tommy told me
that successful couples should
each try to give 70 percent.
“That way, when one partner
isn’t up to giving their full share,
the other person compensates.”
Works for me.
© 2012 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
Trifecta wanted a “formula” poem, in 33 words. My Uncle Tom and Aunt Clare were married many, many years before Tommy’s death. Tom was my mom’s brother, but Clare always called my mother “sister” instead of “sister-in-law.” They were so close… I’ll write more about them at another time.
Years later, Clare was lucky enough to find love again with a widower named Bob. They both kept pictures of their first loves in the house and talked about them all the time. That kind of selfless devotion, while still in a wonderful new relationship, speaks to their happiness. Bob died a few years back, and now Aunt Clare (whom we visited in California) is still shiny as a new penny, a truly lovely woman. When I think of Clare, I think of class, patience, and gracefulness. Her son, Gregg, is the cousin who got me to move out to California and work at the Great American Food & Beverage Company, a true adventure and one of the best moves I ever made. Greggie is still too cool for school, after all these years!
A little more family history from your friend in poetry, Amy.
Sharp Little Pencil 
Lumdog
Very thought provoking. I like it. Nice story about Aunt Clare too!
brian miller
smiles….cool members of your family….and i like their formula…it def takes more than 50 % and if you give all th emore, more will be added back to you….smiles…
Libby
Lots of wisdom there. And lucky Clare – TWO great guys! What is the probability of THAT!?!
http://jesterqueen.com
That’s awesome. And your Aunt and Uncle sound so amazing. I’m glad she could move forward without sacrificing her memories.
Eric Storch
Wise words, indeed.
Sharp Little Pencil
Eric, welcome to my blog. Yeah, they were quite the couple. Of course, Uncle Tommy also suggested, when I was pregnant, that if it was a boy, we should consider the names Cosmo and Shlomo; if it was a girl, his choices were Maudie or Clementine. What a hoot that man was! Coming your way now. Amy
Lance
very deep and thought provoking
I’m on my second marriage. We celebrate 4 years in two weeks. Love is the easy part, like is hard. If you like each other, be each other’s best friend, then you can stave off the lawyers.
Sharp Little Pencil
Lex and I both had first marriages. Our 14-year union is referred to as “my last marriage,” because if things don’t work out with this wonderful man, I’m not bothering again. I’m glad you found happiness, too. Love is lovelier/The second time around… Amy
Lance
i like that….my last marriage
Roger Green
“too cool for school”! you a hepster.
sweet poem, and better story
Sherry Blue Sky
Lovely poem, great advice and a wonderful family story. Wow! A feast!
Old Egg
When I first read this I wasn’t sure about the 70% but on reflection perhaps we did do this as there were always times we would surprise each other in most delightful ways. It is always good to be surprised by you too when you reveal some of your 30% in your writing.
Lindy Lee
Whatever works…
Cobbie's World
Family and love…….it doesn’t get more fundamentally important than that. Thanks for sharing your poem and background story. They are both lovely.
Sharp Little Pencil
Thanks so much for leaving this sweet comment, and welcome to my blog! I tried to find your blog but couldn’t. If you have one, next time, would you please leave a link? Thanks again, and peace, Amy
josie2shoes
I loved this post, both the formula for a happy marriage which is absolutely right, but also the love stories of first Tom and Clare and then Bob and Clare. A new love doesn’t replace the old one, it carves out a place beside it and makes your heart grow! 🙂
Sharp Little Pencil
What a lovely thought. I’m going to write down your comment and send it to Clare, who doesn’t have a computer, when I send her the poem and my comments. Thanks so much, Josie! Peace, Amy
Draug419
I like this formula! 🙂 And I think it’s great that the pictures of the first loves are still kept in the house. It really does speak of the happiness and level of trust/comfort in the new relationship!
Sharp Little Pencil
I agree. Even after we divorced, I made a point of keeping pictures of Riley’s dad around the house. And they stayed up after I married Lex, too. My ex did the same, so when Riley visited him, she’d “get it.” Thanks, Draug, and man, you’ve been TEARING IT UP at Trifecta, good for you! Amy
deanabo
In most cases when one person is giving more than the other person, it will cause a rocky relationship. Things must be equal for it to truely work. Well written.
Sharp Little Pencil
I think Tommy was onto something, though… marriage is a see-saw, and I know I’m not always up to my 50%. So if you’re BOTH giving extra when you can, it balances out… but then again, math skills don’t run in my family! Thanks for leaving a comment, hon. Peace, Amy
Renee Espriu
I like your Uncle Tommy! Sounds like a recipe for success.
jannatwrites
Great idea. As long as the average over the long haul evens out then I think it’s a formula for success. I also liked the story of your Uncle Tommy and Aunt Clare.
trifectawriting
Why am I thinking about Dr. Phil? Sigh. He said once that each person has to give 100%. That it’s not 50/50, it’s 100/100. He also lost his license to practice, sooooo. . .there is that. 🙂 I like yours better.
vivinfrance
Good idea.
Madeleine Begun Kane
Good attitude, lovely tribute poem.
Polly Robinson
heh-heh … a wise man, your Uncle Tommy 😀