Gorgeous “Goldfinger” Gal: Shirley Bassey

Ah, the Bond movies!
Yes, I thought, let’s sit back and
drool over the biggest misogynist franchise
ever undertaken (overtaking box offices
worldwide, and a great date movie,
if the woman is passive: He can close his eyes
and pretend she’s Ursula Andress later.)

My “blah” goes gaga when Shirley Bassey
Herself takes the stage, clutching a mic
Her first phrase, tentative,
lacking that signature tremolo of
“Gowld-fin-gaaaaaaaah”

But as the song progressed, we
stopped staring at her stifling corset and
listened to the majestic magic spell
cast by a 76-year-old woman,
an icon in every sense of the word
(and a favorite lip-synch of
drag queens back in my day)

By the song’s crashing climax,
she nailed that note. Crushed it.
Grabbed it by the saddle horn and held onto
the bucking broncho of all classic
movie themes. She was triumphant.
Gracious. Luminescent.

In short, Adele could learn a lot from
the great, grand, gorgeous Shirley Bassey!

© 2013 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil

Honest to Pete, I was ready to be embarrassed when Shirley Bassey came onstage at the Oscars. I thought, “Oh no, another golden girl who’s appearing in casino lounges now. This is gonna be bad, friends.” Later on, my BFF John and I were texting (throughout), and we agreed: Adele (although the cutest young woman and quite bubbly) wrote a song almost as bad as her rendering of said tune onstage.

BFF and I felt like calling both Bassey and La Streisand up to say, “If you two are feeling generous, please take that nice little Brit under your golden wings. WE BEG YOU.”

And about Affleck not being nominated for Best Director: Directors make those nominations, and I think they’re simply jealous that Ben looks better than most of them.

For ABC Wednesday, Real Toads’ Open Link Monday, and dverse Open Mic Night!  Peace, Amy


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