Dentists and Origami
Dentists cling to
ass-slinging phrases:
“Only $3,000,” and
“We prefer implants,” or
“It’s easy, and it’s only $2,700!”
You are entering a world of pain,
paralyzed in their sterile chair,
these hair-raising inestimable estimates
tossed off like freshly folded
origami vampire bats
circling the cubicle,
jugular-bound to bleed you dry
Count the scales on
his alligator shoes
Take notes, the personal pix
of Peruvian vacation with
family, a long row of
perfect pearlies
The iron-clad irony:
We pay,
they play
© 2013 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
Isadora at Imaginary Garden With Real Toads asked us to use one of our favorite movie lines in a poem… Just saw “The Big Lebowski” for the first time in years, and although it’s irredeemably filled with swearing – haven’t heard that many F words since labor – John Goodman’s line, “You’re entering a world of pain,” seems so appropriate here!
My empty tooth canal is stuffed with clove oil-soaked gauze and it’s still 85 degrees at midnight and I cannot go outside because the humidity is too much for my lungs, like breathing warm pudding. “Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you find the play?” Amy
Sharp Little Pencil 
http://vivinfrance.wordpress.com
From the patient’s point of view I thank God for the UK and French health systems. From the dentist’s point of view, Jock made a poor living as a British dentist – barely earning more than his chairside nurse, because he wouldn’t do unnecessary work and the NHS fee for an examination, scale and clean was about £3 which didn’t even cover running costs. The system always took a long time to query and approve crown and bridge work, and even longer to pay up! Which is why he retired early and we went to a developing country to work for a tiny salary. We lived better there than we ever did in UK, and had no overheads to worry about.. Nowadays it is very different in UK – people have a job to find an NHS dentist – so people are either having to wait a long time for an appointment or pay up.
We pay a higher proportion of the cost here in France, but the fees are nothing like the figures you quote in your poem.
Sharp Little Pencil
Viv, thanks for the cogent reply. RIght now, I look like a circus clown… yikes!!
Polly Robinson
Ouch! Poor you! But what an inspiration for a poem 🙂
Kay, Alberta, Canada
I have dentures, good ones, but the denturist wanted me to pay to take him and myownself to Calgary where a dental surgeon would attach my dentures to my jaws permanently, for $30,000.
I said no. I know my jawbone is disappearing, but for a whole lot less than $30,000, I can buy lots and lots of Sea Bond strips which hold my dentures to what’s left of my jaw.
No one ever warned me old age would be like this, and by the time my parents reached old age, I realized I was only 22 years behind them.
Sigh.
Great use of that line, my dear, and I hope your pain is gone soon.
Must run, my computer is scheduled to go to sleep and so, I guess, am I.
K
Sharp Little Pencil
Kay, it’s not often I can say this literally: I feel your pain. I’m not falling for that implanted posts BS either. I’d rather have more money to give to charities – and the dentist was astonished at my reasoning! What a sad man…. but rich! But poor! Ha ha, Amy
on thehomefrontandbeyond
perfect – I see I am not the only one who does not like the fees we have to pay dentists–it is painful on so many levels
georgefloreswrite
Thank goodness for the laughing gas.
kaykuala
Dental fees are prohibitive. Agreed Amelita! The contention they’re somewhat doctors who cure does not hold water anymore. They pride themselves being artists as their masterpiece can be seen and felt. So they do more to make sure the ailment is cured and one looks pretty after they’ve been through with their job. They not only cure their patient but provide good cosmetics value and a good sight for others to see in a smile!
And by now hopefully you’re ok Ma’am!
Hank
Sharp Little Pencil
REfusing any more painkillers. I have ice packs and sympathetic friends who don’t mind my lisping bitching!!
Helen
Glad you have the worst of it behind you, Amy. Summertime is not the best time to be fiddling around with ‘tooth issues’ … my son had six implants Monday morning. slow going here too ……… hang in there. 🙂
lolamouse
The Big Lebowski is one of my all time favorite movies! I still laugh every time I hear Walter yell, ” I told that kraut a f****** thousand times that I don’t roll on Shabbos!”
Sharp Little Pencil
Mark it an 8! – the achiever
Kerry O'Connor
I enjoyed the reading of your post immensely – From beginning to end: poem and explanation. Your wit is a keen-edged blade, dear friend. As for your description of all things orthodontic: 100% correct even to the family photo, pearly-white perfect.
Sara v
Oh you just hit a nerve! What a barbaric industry. Feels like it hasn’t changed since the civil war… I have a gentle dentist thankfully, but still post through the nose… They do have the highest rates of suicide, no one like to go to the dentist! Hope you feel better soon
brian miller
hair-raising inestimable estimates
tossed off like freshly folded
origami vampire bats…ha, they get you while you are down for sure…hope they dont suck all your pocketbook…guess if it will make you feel better its worth it…hope your healing continues to go well…
LaTonya
And this is why I have an imperfect smile. Hope you’re feeling better, Amy and I love what you did with the prompt and line.
Susie Clevenger (@wingsobutterfly)
Love this….”We pay…they play” How true. also origami vampire bats..My mouth is full of trips to exotic locations….
ellaedge
YOU have so many great lines! I went through hell and have an implant~ My mouth does have a trip or boat in it…
I love how you captured this experience-I know it well ;D
Seb
I hate dentists. I always feel they are judging me.
isadoragruye
Oh yes! the Big L!!! My choice for a top movie line was between Strangelove or this movie (Oh, sweet marmet!)…lovely work here. You carried the line into the real world, and I am drooling a little in empathy!