Amy Barlow Liberatore… stories of lost years, wild times, mental variety, faith, and lots of jazz

Category Archives: Daughters

Not for the faint of heart. ABC Wednesday is a new prompt for me; I found it via a fellow poet, Nanka. Click on her link and bask in the glow! Peace, Amy

D is For…

D is for Daddy, whose Damnable acts
nearly Destroyed her confidence as a woman

Doubt plagued her every move
When asked why, she’d mumble, “Dunno”
(because she truly Didn’t)

Down the road, through many years
her journey brought her to Divine intervention
No, not Jesus and the bloody bath of redemption
Nothing as Dimly simple as that

But the Delicacy of therapists who
helped her Dig Deep, because
they knew she had the Determination to
sort it out, sort of and finally to her satisfaction

Death took him years ago. Doubtless
he Died believing himself spotless, blameless
and in some Damned way, a victim

But she stands as a witness to Dreams fulfilled
after going mano-a-mano with that Devil
whose name is self-Doubt, unearned guilt

(c) 2011 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil


Jingle asked us to write about pastimes this week for Poetry Potluck. I love going through this box of treasures, so much that I put it in the chapbook (shameless plug, see right column!).

Hope it gives you a smile! Amy

THE PRECIOUS BOX

My mother’s “precious box” held sentimental doodads
The box was left to me when she died
Inside were Grandma’s fake diamond screw-back earrings
(“Real ladies” didn’t pierce their ears in those days)

Grandpa’s ring, raw turquoise set in carved silver
Girl Scout leader pins, Dad’s cuff links
A clip-on bow tie from Mom’s singing days
And a skeleton key, antique silver, dim patina

For years I’ve pondered what lock would respond; where the “open sesame” lay
A room in a past apartment? The front door to a secret house?
A desk filled with dusty volumes of Kipling and Whitman
Perhaps a cache of cash?

Somewhere there is a house, a door, a drawer
Whose treasures will remain hidden
Because I hold in my palm
The answer to a question

© 2010 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil


At Sunday Scribblings (glad I’m back on course after a break), we were given a one-word prompt: LIMITS. Click the Scrib link and then on the poets’ names (which are linked to their blogs) to check out other folks! Peace, Amy

HAD IT UP TO HERE

I’ve had it up to here
‘cause my daughter, who is ‘queer’
is not welcome in my sister’s home

I’ve taken all I’ll stand
from all those who would demand
that I discard my kid like a dead battery

I’m telling all the world
she is perfect, she’s my girl
If you don’t love her, please don’t waste your prayers

On Riley or her mom
because we know we are BOMB
and anyone who doesn’t get it can get stuffed

I tried to make this rhyme
to some extent, it is fine
but I couldn’t rhyme “battery” with “flattery” because that concept is entirely absent from some people’s hearts. But at least it’s truthful!

© 2010 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil


SILENT AGREEMENT

As she lay dying
The nurses stopped by to say goodbye
and ordered an ambulance,
sending her home to die in her own bed
as was her wish.

“Here,” whispered Doris, “you’ll need this.”
Slipping me an impossibly large bottle of Valium.
“It might be days… save you a trip to the drug store.”
And so armed with ambulance, copious drugs,
and the “DNR” in my pocket, we set out for home.

Mom had lived a life of addictions:
Smoking, drinking, unnecessary prescriptions,
moaning about minor pains to a doctor
whose only function in life was to sign Rxs.
She was 69; looked 85 but pregnant, her liver shot.

Only two hours later, she died
after receiving a single crushed Valium stirred into juice
and sluiced into her mouth via straw.
My sister and I took the 199 Valium left over and,
in silent agreement, flushed them down the toilet.

© 2010 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil


SHE DIDN’T CHANGE (for Laura/Riley)

She was brilliant
Head of the class, sassy
Audrey-Hepburn beautiful
Powerful sense of justice
Rhythmically gifted
Constantly questioning authority
Doodling in the margins of her homework
Nose glued to a book or
to Japanimation on the tube

One day she decided
to tell me the truth,
that she is not straight
She calls it “queer”
(“Lesbian sounds like I emigrated.”)

And that’s the day I knew
My daughter is
Brilliant
Classy
Sassy
Beautiful
Powerful
Rhythmic
Queer
Challenging
Artistic
Well-read
Destined to illustrate a graphic novel

In no particular order, these qualities
And guess what?
In my eyes
In the eyes of her family
She didn’t change
She adjusted her horizon
and we adjusted with her

© 2010 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
previously posted at Poetic Asides


Another Poetic Asides take on “forget what they say,” this one with no holds barred!

CALL ME WHAT YOU WILL

Call me too tolerant for
respecting those of other faiths.

Call me a bad Christian
for saying that God created us all equal, including Jews and Muslims and Taoists and Buddhists and non-believers.

Call me a bleeding heart
for wanting everyone to get health care.

Call me an alarmist
for insisting that hydrofracking is dangerous.

Call me an n***** lover (and they have)
for supporting an African-American president.

Call me anti-civil rights
for wishing to disband self-styled militias.

Call me anti-Constitution
for insisting semi-automatic weapons are not needed to hunt.

Call me a coward
for being a steadfast pacifist.

Call me a moron
because I graduated high school by the skin of my teeth.

Call me a bad mother
for not trying to talk my daughter out of being lesbian.

Call me a bad American
for pointing out that “under God” was added during McCarthy’s reign of terror and anti-Communist hysteria.

Call me a bad liberal
for listening to Rush and Glenn at least once a week.

Call me unbalanced
because I’m a responsible mental health consumer.

Call me a socialist
for wanting the rich to pay more into the kitty.

Call me a snob
for encouraging kids whose only adjective is “fuck” to dig deeper in their brain pan.

Call me a traitor
for believing a former president should face charges for ordering waterboarding and lying about WMDs… and laughing about it publicly.

Call me a bra-burning bitch
for having the temerity to insist on equal pay for equal work.

Call me naive
for wanting undocumented aliens to be granted citizenship (hey, if it was good enough for Reagan, it should be good enough for the Tea Party).

Call me whatever you want.
I stand by my values, no matter the consequence.

© 2010 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil


DON’T FORGET TO TAKE POLAROIDS

Never one to take instruction
well, welcome to
THE EVE OF MY DESTRUCTION.

That’s me, going to hell.
Hand-basket by Longaberger.
So say the Bible thumpers

Because I insist my daughter’s
Divinely made, perfect…
and, yes, she loves women

If all she did daily
was love women,
I’d be worried, but fortunately,

she does other things, too:
art, music, movies;
she has a full life.

“I’ll bet you and Lex
do stuff besides
hanging in bed being straight!”

That’s right, baby, it’s true
We get up
sometimes for breakfast, lunch, dinner…

(c) 2010 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
Thanks to Riley for permission to use her experiences for this poem.


At Poetic Asides, today’s prompt, “No one wants _____,” brought to mind an incident so funny, so ironic, so disgustingly true… and to think I volunteered to edit the copy for the yearbook and was turned down. The principal said, “I have professional secretaries to do that work.” Riiiiiiiight…

No One Wants (or likes) (or should depend on) SpellCheck

Savior of those who type in haste?
Harbinger of the lazy mind?
Neither.
It’s just SpellCheck, here to stay. Like the flu.
Example #25,286:

Parents participated in the yearbook
by writing personal notes to their graduates.
Mine included a line employing the vernacular:
“You’re gonna do great things!”

Fresh off the press, she ran all the way home
to show me an impressive array of signatures.
She had made lots of friends, and they all
noted she was “HOT!,” “Valedictorian,” and “Out!”

Turning to the parent’s dedications, she said,
“In the words of Al Jolson, ‘You ain’t seen nothin’ yet!'”
There, bearing my signature, was the side-splitting line:
“You’re gonad do great things.” GONAD??!!

SpellCheck, ShmellCheck.


Another Poetic Asides “location” poem, but my blog is able to handle the Spanish, so here it be!!

SAN JUAN AUTUMN

Autumn in tropical climes
held no charm for me…
only a reminder that, once again,
I’d missed the falling leaves of October.
My little girl had not yet seen
the glory of leaves
tangerine, blood orange, marmalade,
Nature’s display, a free buffet

One call to my sister and a week later
the magical package arrived.
“¿Qué tal, Mama?” cried Laurita,
my little Irish Jewish Puertoriqueña.
“¡Mira!”
Overturning the box,
waxed leaves spilled onto the tabletop.
“¡Amarillo, rojo, todas las colores!” squeaked Laura.

We taped them to the white plaster walls
as though they were falling from a tree in heaven.
Random patterns of second-hand Autumn.
My child’s first dance with the leaves,
we filled the house and neighbors came
to marvel at our living fresco.

© 2010 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil


When asked at Sunday Scribblings to write on the word “intense,” I knew exactly where I would go… to Riley.

FOR AS MUCH

For as much as her first movement within me
(like a flickering tub toy gone off in my stomach)
made me realize I was actually pregnant;

For as often as I ran to the bathroom
to relieve the heaves of morning sickness;

For as few times as her father bothered
to help me ride the subway to La Maze classes;

For as big as I got, flouting my expanding tummy
and allowing total strangers to lay hands on me,
connecting with her movements;

For as hard as it was getting stuck in a backwoods outhouse
only to be rescued by two Boy Scouts,
who undoubtedly had the best story around that night’s campfire;

For as bad as the lemon-lime Gatorade looked,
both going in and splashing out into the waiting bucket
until I agreed to the shot of Valium…

For all these things,
nothing could compare me for the intensity
of my love for my newborn child.
Even today, taller than I, she appears in my mind’s eye
a bundle of brown-eyed sweetness
wrapped in a blanket of promise and wonder.

© 2010 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil