For NaPoWriMo, I took up the Poetic Asides prompt, “Don’t ____ _____,” in which we are to fill in the blanks. So many well-intentioned folks unwittingly forward viruses by forwarding messages. My pet peeve is chain letters: They often come with the assurance that “God wants us to live abundantly,” (as though God’s abundance has anything thing to do with filthy lucre) and then tell you that you MUST forward to 128 people in the next 3 seconds and your ‘money wish’ will come true. Yeah, God’s all about the money, guys. That’s why Jesus lived in a diamond-encrusted palace! Amy
Don’t Forward Emails
Please
I’m begging you
No more kitten and kitten and cute kitten and cuter kitten pix
No more e-cards with prancing bears
For the love of God
No more Rick Warren quotes
No more assurances of God’s love (as if I don’t know that already)
No more “Obama is Muslim” warnings
For the sake of my sanity
No more chain letters threatening an outbreak
of bubonic plague if I don’t forward it to 12 friends
No more Chicken Soup
Please
I’m on my knees
When next you a forward a forward
Skip me. There, I’ve implored.
© 2010 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
Sharp Little Pencil 
vivinfrance
Hear, Hear, amen and hallelujah. I have put a number of these perpetrators into my `courier indesirable` (spam) list. Not oonly have you written a heartfelt plea, you have used all the techniques of a real poet!
Sharp Little Pencil
Viv, I really value this kind of compliment, coming as it does from one of my favorite writers. I don’t have a spammer that’s worth a tinker’s damn, so I just delete anything suspicious! Thanks, Viv. Amy
Debbie
I just got home after a longish day and read this. Laughing so hard. And I really needed to laugh! Thank you so much, so much.
Sharp Little Pencil
You’re welcome. And I’ll send you a puppy religious chain email right away, LOL. If you don’t forward it to 4,582 people, you lose your favorite seat in church!
Christine
In the olden days of snail mail, I had an underwear chain letter sent to me. All I had to do was send one pair out to person who gave me the letter, and then send out the letter to 12 other people and I would get 12 pairs of underwear in the mail. I sent the undies, got nothing. I hate chain letters, I have empathy for you I think the email ones are even more intrusive.
Sharp Little Pencil
EEEEEEW! Underwear could have even worse cooties than the emails, LOL. I think chain letters are obnoxious, so I just delete them, but I had never heard of the undies thing. That really should become a poem, I think… now go write it!! Peace, Amy
RJ Clarken
Underwear? Yikes! I think that beats all the chain letters I ever got when I was a kid. Ick. ☼
Sharp Little Pencil
Yeah, it’s pretty bad, right?
Buddah Moskowitz
Ameleh,
This was perfect. I have a two friends who send me forwards all the time. I’m surprised at how little one knows me (sending me vile right-wing claptrap).
Glad to see you still writing – as if you could stop!
Your brutha from anutha mutha
Buddah M
Sharp Little Pencil
My mom-in-law does the same. She says she feels guilty because someone took the trouble to forward to her, so she feels she must do the same. Funny, huh?
My sisters and I have an agreement: I don’t get any more ‘Obama is from Indonesia’ emails, and I don’t send them activist stuff. DADT to the max! Nice to see you!
Love from your sister who could raise a blister, A
RJ Clarken
Oh, yeah. I love me some chain letters threatening all sorts of plagues if I don’t send things on to 128 people. I don’t hate 128 people enough (although there are few of my elected officials whom I wouldn’t mind sending some dancing kittens.)
Oddly, my sister is one of the worst offenders, and given how well she knows me, I can’t imagine why she does it, except either a.) I’m on her general mailing list or b.) she really wants to irk me.
But I digress.
You nailed this one!
Now all you have to do is send it off to 128 of your nearest and dearest.
Or else beware the cute, fuzzy teddy bears. ☼
Sharp Little Pencil
AAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!
Sherry Blue Sky
I love it, Amy!
Sharp Little Pencil
Thanks, Sherry. I love hearing from you!
pmwanken
Hey! I got the cutest email today…send me your address and I’ll send it your way! 😉
…great post, as always, Amy!
Sharp Little Pencil
You are so funny, I will remember to delete all your emails! LOL
Roger Green
my sisters send me that stuff, especially the supposedly Christian stuff; exhausting.
Sharp Little Pencil
The Christian stuff is indeed the worst. And I’m a pastor’s wife. But we’re UCC, very “live and let live,” but “open and affirming” to LGBT people, so that’s why I get so much Christian email, to point out all the ways I am wrong. Most from my divorced sister, whom I reminded that, since her first husband is living, according to the Fundy way we are BOTH adulterers. I just KNOW they are coming to stone us soon – just hope it’s sensamilla, LOL.
Judy Roney
This poem really hit home! I have relatives who won’t listen when I tell them I don’t have time to read all the jokes they send. They consider the same tired jokes as communication and get quite upset when I don’t reply to their jokes. I don’t get it.
Sharp Little Pencil
I just hit DELETE. Period. It’s really not worth frying your hard drive over, in the end. Relatives have to understand; but if they don’t, they are not up to speed on computer technology. I don’t let myself feel guilty over this stuff. But then, I’m a heartless biz-natch, LOL Amy
Madeleine Begun Kane
Amen, sister! 🙂
ladynimue
Am there with you !
And am so glad my blogging id is free from these yet !
Sharp Little Pencil
Yeah, and pray it stays so…! Amy
Jason Riedy
And I feel the need to forward this to people… 😉 This is a really fun piece!
Sharp Little Pencil
Ha, Jason, so many feel the same way! Good luck with that… Amy
Chloe
Oh, I can relate to the words in this poem. Well written and great fun xx
Sharp Little Pencil
Our name is Legion. Even people who FORWARD emails don’t like getting them in the first place, LOL Amy