Emotional Dyslexic
I cannot read her
She’s too confusing
Now she’s mad at me
and that’s amusing
It’s cat and mouse time
But where’s the trap now?
Oh, that’s the wrong game
I’ll give her crap now
‘Cause she should know me
My way of thinking
She never meets my needs
That’s why I’m drinking
And when I get home
Supper on the stove –
or else I’ll show her
my back hand of love
© 2012 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
NOTE: This is one thing that never happened to me, but has happened to a lot of women, and there is no excuse. Men who run out of words use fists… and guns… and other weapons often discussed on my blog. Same goes for some women, but in a much smaller proportion. I am blessed to know so many men of peace, especially after a difficult, abusive childhood.
Will be posted at dverse Tues Open Mic and at my poetic home, Poets United.
Sharp Little Pencil 
Poetry & Icecream
This is great Amy! It doesn’t overwhelm the reader with the horrible facts but is subtle in delivering a powerful message. Well written 🙂
Sharp Little Pencil
It was a tightrope walk, for sure. Glad I achieved a good balance, and thanks, Norma! Peace, Amy
Penny
Abuse comes in so many forms and many of us have been on the receiving end of one or more which is why it is so important that it is spoken about. I love the way you use your words to illustrate and at the same time educate. I always find your writing so profoundly touching. Thank you Amy. penny x
Sharp Little Pencil
Penny, thank you so much. I am fortunate, given my past, that actually being smacked around was not part of my resume. Verbal abuse, controlling ways, and childhood sexual abuse… how did I manage to dodge the bullet this poor woman receives night after night?
My calling is to bring it all out into the open. The more light we shed on abuse, on mental health issues, on LGBTQ rights, the more the cockroaches will run for cover and stop thinking their abuse, their bullying, their homophobia, their hatred is somehow justified. Can I get an amen? Amy
Altonian
Still fighting the good fight, and writing the good write. I sometimes wonder how you find the time to make coffee for Lex; or does he make it for you? Abusive husbands and/or partners are sick-making, but here’s a statistic for you from Finland: Abusive partnerships are split just about 50-50% here, with half of the cases concerned containing a husband, terrified of his wife.
Sharp Little Pencil
You bring up a valid point: It isn’t always a man at fault. And abuse has a wide range, especially verbal abuse. Depression usually fires it, because it’s the abuser’s own self-loathing that leads to actions they later regret (or don’t).
As for coffee, Lex and I agreed years ago that I make the better cup! He didn’t even drink it for years, but eventually The Bean beckoned to him, hee hee. Love hearing from you, Leigh. Peace, especially domestic peace, Amy
Inside the Mind of Isadora
OMG … I just sent you an email with a story I wrote from an image prompt that had to do with this child abuse. OMG … we are on the same page.
This is a great write, Amer. A subject that is very prevalent out there.
Great one ..
Izzy
http://insidethemindofisadora.wordpress.com/2012/01/29/the-message/
Sharp Little Pencil
I provided you with that link intentionally and just now remarked on your post, which was truly incredible. Yes, it’s true, even a day or so apart, we are in tune psychically. Not that I am surprised.
Thank you also for providing that Child Abuse Hotline number. That is something I hope people will use… you are wonderful. Love, Amer
Buddah Moskowitz
Love how the verse underscores the brutality of the poem. Glad to see you back!
Sharp Little Pencil
Like I said, it was a tricky tightrope. I started off in one direction, then had a flash of an angry face, and I knew what I had to write. Took some thought about whether I should post it, as I usually post my experiences, not those of others, but have had good feedback. Thanks, Bruddah! Missed you. Ameleh
Sherry Blue Sky
Oh you have written this well and sadly it is too many women’s story.
Sharp Little Pencil
And, as Altonian pointed out, too many men’s as well. But here in America, domestic abuse is on the rise, especially among our shattered returning vets. Not enough mental health care… Thanks, Sherry. Amy
Renee
Drinking is never a good thing. I’ve never been abused in that way by someone who drinks but have experienced the things they do within my family of origin. Thank You!
Sharp Little Pencil
Renee, same here. My mom wore sunglasses a lot. Both parents drank. I knew how to make a dry martini for guests by the time I was seven. To this day, the sight of olives makes me sick.
brian miller
ugh…yeah not a good situation at all…and i hope that women in those situations seek the help they need…because it should not happen…
great to see you back at dverse….
Sharp Little Pencil
SO great to be back, Brian. And yes, this situation is all too common. Strange how the person who is abused tends to feel all the guilt…
seingraham
Hey Amy
So glad to see you back … this is good; pure ABL … glad it’s at least one thing that hasn’t happened to you!
Sharp Little Pencil
You know it, really, Sharon! I’m amazed after some of the losers I hooked up with over the years, and all the ways I abused my own self, that this did not happen. And I pray for all who suffer it… check out Izzy’s blog for another take: http://insidethemindofisadora.wordpress.com/2012/01/29/the-message
MISH
Welcome back, Amy!
Thanks for highlighting the issue of woman abuse and sharing with your readers, via your wonderful poetry.
Sharp Little Pencil
Mish, so glad to see you here again after my break. I’m all about the in-your-face issues, but somehow they are convey best through free verse, for me, at least… Peace, Amy
Sheila
strong poem on a tough topic.
Sharp Little Pencil
Thanks, Sheila. Started off writing something else and then it clicked. Peace, Amy
Aaron Kent
That was amazing! Genuinely one of the best poems I have read in god knows how long.
The ending in particular was ace. I could see where it was going but still didn’t expect the explicitness of the ending, and the sense that the perpatrator felt he was in the right.
It was like a backhander to the face.
I would love to get your opinion on my Open Link Night entry:
http://twoinformalfeet.blogspot.com/2012/02/i-am-godzilla-but-i-wanna-be-james-dean.html
Sharp Little Pencil
Aaron, thank you for a most encouraging critique. The irony is that I began in a softer place, but an angry male face actually flashed before my eyes, and that’s where my own process took a turn. I was as surprised by the ending as you were. A “backhander to the face.” That’s how it felt writing it. I actually had to calm myself down a bit, and thank God this was not autobiographical.
Thanks also for posting a specific link to your blog so I can see what you wrote. So helpful in the process, while I’m playing “catch up” after a slight hiatus.
Sincerely, Amy
Rosemary Nissen-Wade aka SnakyPoet
Good one, Amy. It needs to be said, and you say it well. I like your unexpected but just-right rhymes.
Sharp Little Pencil
Thanks so much, Rosemary. This one took some twists in creating but was worth the effort, if only for the commentary… peace, Amy
Chazzy Chazz
I can only hope that this is not true of you. I hope that any violence towards you stops immediately. These are frightful ways to think and you have caught the dilemma that many women face in their relationships. The terror is enforced by your use of rhyme and simple stanza structure. It’s almost a song of experience by Blake, where the simplicity of expression and structure belie the horror of what is described.
Sharp Little Pencil
Chazz, this is probably the ONLY abuse I never experienced. I have sheltered girlfriends from abusive relationships and listened quietly as women “spilled their cup.” This includes my mother, who was an alcoholic abused physically by my dad, but never when the kids were around. She’d just show up in the morning with sunglasses on.
Use of form is rare for me, but this seemed to spill forth. I began with one subject; then, the spectre of an angry man flashed in front of my eyes and sort of took over the poem. The comparison to Blake is most flattering, and I thank you. Now to bop over and see what you’re up to… peace, Amy
Roger Green
Know that I read every one of your poems, even if I don’t respond. It’s not that I’m made at you.
Sharp Little Pencil
Ironic that it’s in a poem with a title including the word “Dyslexic”!!! You so funny, Rog. Peace, Amy
Kim Nelson
Coolly, calmly, you tell the common tale from the perspective of the one who is not at all “right.”
Sharp Little Pencil
Kim, so hard to write from that place, too. But I’ve known enough abused girlfriends (and guys, too) to understand the mindset. Thanks, Kim. Amy
Daydreamertoo
Oddly enough I just wrote a piece tonight about my youngest sister. Her father (my step father) died, our mother was dating another man and my youngest sister missing her father (I think) met an older drinking man, who was divorcing his wife and took up with my sister as quick as you like. He had a drink problem, an anger problem and she was 16 and despite anything any of us said, she thought he was what she wanted. Now, nearly 30 years and 3 grown kids later she’s had enough of him and his temper. His moods and his fists. I am so glad she’s called time on it all. She came to me so many times, bloodied, beaten, and I would help as I could but, she always went back to him. For the kids, and fear of not being able to cope by herself. Now, thank God, she has finally found her courage and made the break after one beating too far. So, this hits home with me.
Sharp Little Pencil
DDT, thank you for such a personal response. Not many who’ve read this have such a mirrored experience, and I thank God I was never the victim of THAT type of violence. A lot of why women stay out of fear, especially with children, is that they lack the self-esteem to try life without “It” (him). Good for your sister for being able to break the cycle, no matter when in life. Hope she has a support group for survivors of domestic abuse, because she will not only learn, but help and teach younger women.
You are a wonderful sister to stick by her and not give up. Brava, babe. Peace, Amy
JulesPaige
Sharp indeed. Observing human nature. Some of us grew up in the “Do as I say not as I do era” And I think while we did learn tolerance and acceptance of differences – it took us just a little while to apply those same lessons to our teachers, parents, those who would say one thing yet do another. There is no excuse for a raised hand. I think though too, one needs to be careful of the spoken word or that shivering cold stone silence (as in lack of encouragement) as well.
Sharp Little Pencil
Jules, point well taken. Verbal abuse leaves its own invisible scars. I was in an emotionally abusive marriage and didn’t recognize the bruises on my psyche. On the other hand, physical abuse so shatters the ego of the victim and leaves such embarrassing marks (I am thinking of my own mom, who was struck out of our presence by our dad) that it’s hard to keep one’s head above water.
People use fists when they run out of words. That’s why so many ignorant people are physically abusive or resort to guns and other weapons. But that’s just my opinion… thanks for visiting, and thanks for the comment. Peace, Amy
Semaphore
With its rhythm and rhyme, your verse captures the flippant way an abuser’s thoughts fly through his head, the way he trivializes his actions.
I had to do a double take, though, because of what I call the “expected gender effect” – the expectation of a reader that the persona in the poem is the same sex as the poet. In my case, people expect when I use the first person, the persona is male (though I’ve used this expectation to my advantage in some cases!)
Since you’re female, readers expect the “I” in the poem to be female. Because of this, it was only by the last stanza that I realized that your protagonist was speaking in a male voice!
If you don’t want this effect, you may want to use “he” instead of “I” or use some other convention in the first stanza so the reader knows right away your persona in this particular poem is male – which is an important point for this particular poem.
Sharp Little Pencil
Now THAT’S an interesting observation, and I’ll share the process with you. I was not sure about whom I was writing when I began. The words just came. It was only toward the last two stanzas that an angry male face literally flashed in my eyes and gave me the abuser’s identity. Almost scary, but when one is manic depressive (as I am), one comes to expect these small bits of synapse firings.
I get your point and appreciate the feedback – but in the end, after considering it, I think the changeup threw enough people for a loop that I’ll keep it as is. This is not ignoring your point of view, please know that – it’s after pondering your comment for quite awhile. I’ve been sitting here looking at your words for half an hour before responding!
Comments like yours make me a better poet, because you help me see the reader’s perspective. And for that I thank you very much. Peace, Amy
yelena
wow. i’m really glad to have discovered your blog. this is very realistic and poetic at the same time. thanks for share. i’ll return to read you 🙂
Sharp Little Pencil
Thanks for stopping, Yelena! Sorry I’m late in replying, but I’m coming to your blog now! The name alone, “Moonlit Poetic,” is lovely. Amy