Labor Room Blues (in the key of AARGH!)
Would that my trap door’d been
strung with elastic
My labor would have been
oh, so easy – less drastic
If I am blessed with one
more babe, I’m sure I’ll
scream, “Cancel the Gatorade!
Let’s try epidural!”
© 2012 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
For Three Word Wednesday: Labor, Cancel, Elastic
Also at Poets United, prompt: Strings
And Riley, no hard feelings! But if you think you’re getting a baby sister or brother at my age, think again, ha ha.
Sharp Little Pencil 
maggie
Just into my second trimester, this one hits where it hurts . . . but with a smile. Nice touch of humor.
Sharp Little Pencil
Oops! OK: Watch the crystal, see it swing back and forth… falling into deep sleep… on the count of three, you will forget having read this poem!! Wishing you a lovely labor, because even if there is pain, you don’t keep the memory. The baby is worth it. Peace to you, Maggie! Amy
Carrie Burtt
I hear your pain Amy….and I can truly relate….been there….done that. Love your response to the prompt! 🙂
Sharp Little Pencil
Carrie, I could not resist! It was hanging there like a pinata; somebody had to take a swing… (wink) Amy
Old Egg
It is good you can laugh about it. Men for eons have just grunted and gone out to just hit someone or killed something for dinner and thought that was good. I think it is jealousy because women have the best but hardest job of all…thank God.
Sharp Little Pencil
Robin, you are a wise man! Giving birth is SO worth the labor. Can we call it She-ness Envy? Thanks, friend, Amy
booguloo
I heard the word epidural once or twice.
Sharp Little Pencil
Was it said using an “inside voice,” or was it SCREEEEEEEAMED? wink
Lindy Lee
Epidural can cause headaches for months…
Sharp Little Pencil
Yeah, I was joking about ever wanting one. A friend had a bad epidural and endured those migraines… but the poem was fun to write! Amy
Ella
Amy,
I also spit my iced tea all over the screen! You are so funny~
I loved it
Sharp Little Pencil
SPIT TAKE! Beats Gatorade barf every time, ha ha ha, thanks! Amy
Daydreamertoo
Haha… A fun read Amy 🙂
Sharp Little Pencil
Glad you got a laugh out of it, Liz! Amy
viv blake
I believe you! What is gatorade?
Sharp Little Pencil
It’s a disgustingly sugary drink. No fizz, just syrupy, and, as my gym teacher used to say, “It has the same ingredients as sweat.” (Great endorsement, that.) Supposedly it helps balance one’s electrolytes after vomiting. All it did was make me want to vomit more!! And I did… oy. Riley was worth it, though! A
Helen
It’s been many a year since I birthed a wee one … but this brings it all back – with humor too!
Sharp Little Pencil
Ah, look back and laugh. That’s the way to go! Thanks for visiting, Helen. Peace, Amy
Dennis Go
This is a fun read. “Cancel the Gatorade! Let’s try epidural!” hehe
Sharp Little Pencil
Oy, I have not touched Gatorade since labor, 25 years ago. “Bring the bucket, thar she blows!” ha ha ha Amy
David King
As a dad who remembers, I approve!
Sharp Little Pencil
God bless you, David! Peace, Amy
brian miller
yikes….our first boy was like 17 hours…intense stress, lost heart beat…merconium, you name it we had it…argh is right….
Sharp Little Pencil
Ah, the joys of merconium, yes, we dodged that one, barely. Mine was 16 hours but mostly normal except for my barfing and screaming. I never was one for pain, and my natural response to it is worshiping the porcelain gods… Thank you for the empathetic comment, Brian, and God bless your wife! Amy
Jae Rose
Tsk..I think I would need Gatorade laced with something opiate based..thanks for making me 🙂 Jae x
Sharp Little Pencil
Thanks, Jae. Yeah, I had to settle for a little Valium because my “macropsychotic” husband wouldn’t ALLOW drugs until it was almost too late. I had WAY less self-esteem in those days, ha ha. Bring on the opiates! Amy
Raven
You are right … I chuckled, thank you. 🙂
Sharp Little Pencil
I’m a chucklehead from way back, hee hee
Madeleine Begun Kane
LOL! What a fun (albeit painful) take on that prompt!
Renee Espriu
Sometimes child birth is no ‘cup of tea’ for sure. I gave birth to four of my five naturally but have to say that after the long drawn out labors I was exhausted and always wondering why and yet….I did have five. LOL 😉
Sharp Little Pencil
Mad and Renee, glad you liked. Renee, FIVE, really? What a trouper. I do wish I had had the timing right to have another for Riley to play with, but by the time I met Lex, I was perimenopausal and Riley said she didn’t want a baby brother or sister, so we didn’t try… hmmm… hindsight is 20/20 plus Gatorade! Love to you both, Amy
J Cosmo Newbery
I think if I could get pregnant I would opt for a Caesar!
Sharp Little Pencil
Caesar Salad or Caesarian? Just keeping you honest, (wink)
I would have been fine with a caesarian if needed, but natural turned out OK. Thanks, Cos, Amy
Tilly Bud
lol! I love it 🙂
Two caesareans for me – painful, yes; but not for as long 🙂
Sharp Little Pencil
Hey, honey, anything to ensure a healthy outcome. My friend just had a C-section for a TEN-POUNDER. No gestational diabetes or anything, just gave birth to a boy who may become a firefighter, a farmhand, or a really tall hunk of fella!
Thanks, Linda, and congrats on a double win! Amy
Joseph Harker
Ha! Quite clever. I’d expect this from X.J. Kennedy, if he was a woman.
Sharp Little Pencil
Wow, that’s quite a compliment, Joseph. I’m buying a volume of Kennedy as we speak, since the first looks were quite intriguing. Buying an actual book, of course. You know me, it’s all about the tactile experience! Amy