“You’re…” EEEEEK! uh…
Mammograms are the only day
when it doesn’t suck to be moi
I take ‘em out, I flop ‘em on
the glass, and they squish like foi gras
Then came two voice mails
on the same choice day
from the same office.
And suddenly my world morphed
from “as controlled as possible with meds”
to head-spinning dread, fed by
one freakin’ phone call.
All I must do is careen
back to the scene of the crime,
primed sans deodorant and scent,
rank with my own odor and fear.
It may be one mammo;
it may need more ammo.
a big needle thrust
to left of my bust.
“They’ll take the sample
with ample drama, mama,
and a big-ass needle, so
close your eyes and tell them
you have PTSD,” my beloved
survivor friend says.
“Then set phasers on STUN -it sounds
like a staple gun or Pac-Man as it
chomps in search of tissue.
Make them issue enough painkillers
to knock out a horse.”
“Of course,” I reply,
she laughs, knowing I
am immune to OTCs*
thanks to the 70’s…
…during which I imbibed
enough pharmaceuticals to
peel the cuticles off
a gorilla’s thumbnails.
It’s this Wednesday, folks,
please pray it’s a hoax,
and Old Leftie is “clean,”
if you know what I mean.
© 2012 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
* OTCs are “over the counter” drugs like Advil, Tylenol, and aspirin. I could take a whole bottle for a headache and it would do nothing for the pain… but the Advil would trash my liver!
Sunday Scribblings asked us to come up with a poem about a “Eureka moment.” This is the down side of that concept, and we’re hoping and praying it has a happy ending! Will keep you posted. Also at the one office where nothing ever hurts… Poets United! Peace, Amy
Sharp Little Pencil 
Kim Nelson
Well, Shit! Can you feel the healing energy coming across the country?
Lindy Lee
Lindy Lee agrees with: Kim, OnTheHomefront, Vivian, Sarav, OldEgg,
Stan, BrokenPenWriter, RoswellGray, KayGibson, Debbie, Diane, Penny, Andrew,
Misky, RosemaryMint, I HatePoetry, BrianMiller, Raven, SteveKing, Manic, Zongrik,
Kaykuala, Pamela & Nara; in addition, further agreement with all to whom this preciously humorous poem arrives in the future. Hang in there dear girl, you’re a sweet peach. The waiting is supported from over here, that’s little ole me, with strong vibes, high pitch & low…
on thehomefrontandbeyond
praying for you – am going through something similar but a step or two back, so truly hope there is nothing – best of luck – I will give you my luck number 4 to clutch
vivinfrance
Amy don’t fret. The same thing happened to me. Fortunately I only had to worry for 24 hours before the call-back tests, which came up clear. Hang on to that thought.
Prayers on the way.
Love,
ViV x
Sarav
Oh Amy, do I ever relate to this. You spirited person! Managed to take something really frightening and turn it into such a humorous clever poem!
Last time I went I felt like the mammo person must have an undergraduate degree in sadism–righty and leftie went through two rounds of flattening–squished at sixty different degrees each and all with me holding my breath–then ultrasound… turned out fine and in almost all cases, that is what they find—you are fine. Hugs, prayers, peace and love ❤
Here's a labyrinth for you http://saravinas.blogspot.com/2012/06/re-lease.html?spref=tw
oldegg
It is great you can find a laugh in this situation, even though the fear remains. I can’t believe anything so odious would dare to challenge someone so feisty! I don’t know about radiation but there will be many prayers coming your way.
Stan Beatty / Old Grizz
I was not sure how to react to this…i grimaced…I smiled…I fidgeted in my chair…I giggled…I groand and finally i prayed for a good result.
hanks for your thoughts on my blog…love the Purple State idea
brokenpenwriter
Do yourself a favor, right now – order two books. Love, Medicine and Miracles by Dr Bernie Siegel and A Book of Miracles by Bernie Siegel. These will change your life, give you great measures of hope and teach you how to live between appointments while learning how to heal yourself and to fill your body with LIVE messages.
God bless. Be well.
roswellgray
That’s an amazing piece. Scary, but full of optimism and humor. Good luck to you!
Kay Gibson
praying all is okay
Debbie
Praying with you, Amy!
Diane Turner
Beautifully written piece of fright, joy, and humor. Best of luck and sending prayers your way.
penny mckenzie
Sending you healing wishes across the airwaves. pen x
Andrew Kreider
Oh Amy. Remembering you with love in this limbo space. May you have everything you need for each moment.
Misky
Been there and done that a few times, Amy. It’s always scary, and it’s always a great relief when you hear that all’s okay. I’m sure you’ll hear that, too.
rosemary mint
This is incredible, creative writing. You’ve expressed our ability to use humor as a coping mechanism. Fantastic.
Love these sections:
“from ‘as controlled as possible with meds’
to head-spinning dread”
“primed sans deodorant and scent,
rank with my own odor and fear”
“like a staple gun or Pac-Man as it
chomps in search of tissue.
Make them issue enough painkillers
to knock out a horse”
“during which I imbibed
enough pharmaceuticals to
peel the cuticles off
a gorilla’s thumbnails”
“and Old Leftie is ‘clean,’
if you know what I mean”
Very interesting, engaging poetry. I do hope your breast is clean. Best of luck.
ihatepoetry
Ameleh, you’re the only one I know can make the call for a biopsy sound like a crazy be-bop record! Be brave, little one, I’ve called God personally, and He gave me the cosmic okie-dokie – sending my love and prayers! Big hug and kiss too from your brudda from anudda mudda – Mosk
brian miller
oh my…will def keep you in my prayers…thats some scary stuff….cant wait to breathe the sigh of relief when its over….
Raven
This poem was a stunner … let’s hope that sample is a dead bore … keeping you. Sending love Amy.
marilyncavicchia
I hope you get through this just fine, and I love how you wrote about it: funny/scary/brave.
Steve King
Here’s keeping a good thought for you, Amy.
Steve King
Here’s keeping good thoughts for you, Amy.
ManicDdaily
Good luck. Best of luck. I’ve also had a couple of false scares–it is terrible. I think that they are cautious. But it’s awful in the meantime. k.
zongrik
for some reason i really like this line -> It may be one mammo;
it may need more ammo.
to me, it’s never a big deal. i’m never scared, it’s just another medical test. so it’s werid to read all those comments.
kaykuala
For something that serious you could lace it with good humor. The Mrs gone through this. It was frightening and very unsettling at first. It was just a speck and following Doc’s advice ‘leftie’ was removed. She has more or less forgotten about it and we never bring up the subject. Regular checks are being done for ‘rightie’
We pray everything would ok for you, Amy, Ma’am!
Hank
Pamela Smyk Cleary
Oh yes! What everyone above said, Amy! Your strong and upbeat spirit will come through with flying colors! Sending love, health and all good thoughts through the wires to you today. With all this positive energy good news is surely coming your way.
Nara Malone
Hope all went well you’re in my prayers. Scary. Hugs.
tigerbrite
My love and prayers Amy.
Renee Espriu
Better to be safe and know. My partner cancer free now for three years. I know all will be well for you. Take care.