“Strong Dream” by Paul Klee (1879 – 1940)
Healing the Wounded Womb (an ekphrastic poem*)
Years ago,
the midnight cramps
the passing of the piece
One whole fetus
in the palm of my hand, and
calling the doctor,
was told that, if in fact
the baby was intact,
I should take it to his
office tomorrow.
Sorrow wrapped it in plastic,
stored in the egg cutouts
of the fridge door
(irony thick as blood clots)
‘til morning came
Years later, at an
est Training** (the one
where you couldn’t pee),
I offered up a vision
of a blood red moon
The moon was
that perfect,
imperfect egg;
the red, my womb;
and beneath all
a sheltering golden arm
holding my heart
holding my soul
holding me as I wept
for my long-gone loss
© 2013 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
*Ekphrastic poems come from studying a painting and creating a poem based on your own impressions. Paul Klee, along with Kandinsky, certain Pollocks, and the Blue Period of Picasso, all favorites. I used to be strictly Impressionist, but then my mind exploded upon seeing some Picassos at the Met Museum of Art in the City. (That would be NYC!) In a single moment, I got it. I also developed a knack for reading Gertrude Stein’s Toklas book and Russell Hoban’s classic, Riddley Walker! Major synapse release, I suppose, and all for the good.
**This is based on (shudder) an attending est (Erhard Seminar Training) a mind- and money-control project cobbled together by a former used-car salesman who changed his name to Werner Erhard. (Who remembers him now? Ah, yes, a much-deserved obscurity for that money-grubbing pseudo-something, although he continues to lecture and has posted all positive reviews from former esties – obviously, he neglected to ask me, but who can blame him? He ripped concepts off from the best… Gibran, the Buddha, the Dalai Lama; as well as the worst, like Wayne Dyer and other then-motivational speakers, creating a synthesis of New Age bullshit and timeless quotes used to his own advantage.
I managed to have one good revelation there, and this Klee reminded me of that… Thanks to Margo Roby’s prompt, which I discovered via Joseph Harker’s Naming Constellations – brilliant blogs, both! Peace, Amy
Sharp Little Pencil 
ladynimue
You held my heart with every single line and finally let me stay with this post and the painting.
I think I am going to write to you soon. Await an email my friend from far ! Much love.
Polly Robinson
Sadness, tragedy, and wonderfully realistic writing about such a topic – ekphrastic / fantastic
oldegg
Having been given the gift of life in their bodies women are much closer to the real meaning of creation and how precious it is. In addition you have the gift of imparting understanding of this miracle. Thanks to you and my wife and all other mothers without whom we could not exist.
Sharp Little Pencil
Robin, thank you for this sweet comment, on behalf of all my sisters. Amy
Roger Green
I was dragged to some EST thing in Kingston by some co-worker back in the 1980s He was pissy for weeks that I didn’t join; not that I was even tempted…
Sharp Little Pencil
Ha ha ha ha. You’re no sucker. I was one then. Now, if someone offered me front row seats to Wayne Dyer and his ilk, I’d say, “Sorry, I have to go home a give myself a pedicure.”
McGuffy Ann
Raw & painful. This actually reminded me of one of my miscarriages. Hug.
Sharp Little Pencil
Hug to you, too, McGuffy. It’s the worst.
brian miller
so painful…ugh…i have several friends that had a really hard time having kids and went through several miscarriages…watching them go through it and feeling so helpless…as i am sure they did as well….oy, you ripped me this morning amy…
Sharp Little Pencil
It’s a helpless feeling when a friend goes through this, and the only thing I can ever say is, “I’m sorry.” Thanks, B.
Lori Wise
This absolutely broke my heart. A badge of honor none of us should ever have to wear. http://www.sherambleson.com/2013/03/write-at-merge-week-13-word-prompt.html
margo roby
EST. Good God, I haven’t heard that in a long time.
Along with similar thoughts to the above, I am carrying away the image of the ‘sheltering golden arm’ which moved in the moment I read it.
Sharp Little Pencil
Yeah, Margo, I’m dating myself BIGTIME when I mention Werner Erhard. “Just when you thought it was safe to go to the bathroom…”
Lisa A.Williams
So raw and tender. Beautiful expression of such a painful experience.
Josie Two Shoes
God bless the children we never got to really mourn, and yet have mourned forever. This was so intense, as was your experience and that of so very many. A child, once created, always has their own special place next to their mother’s heart. I remember my father saying as I sobbed, “you can’t afford another baby anyway”. I suppose that was intended to comfort me –
Sharp Little Pencil
Josie, people say awful things because they are uncomfortable with sad reality. I heard it all – “You’re young, you can try again,” etc. The only thing anyone should say is simply, “I’m so sorry for your loss.” Then a hug. Then comes coffee. Thanks, J.
Sara v
Hi Amy, wow—EST blast from the past–my parents went to that and other new agey things–remember “I’m Okay and You’re Okay” ? Did I get tired of being corrected in the way that I said things? You betcha!
Kay, Alberta, Canada
Oh, Amy dear, what kind of blankety-blank doctor would tell a woman to bring her fetus to the office in the morning?
Aarrgghh. I survived the 70s and 80s somehow, but not completely, and not with all my requisite parts.
K
Kerry O'Connor
I have to say that this may be my favourite poem of yours – certainly my favourite of the day. It’s not easy to turn a personal tragedy into a work of art, but you have done it with bold images and an emotion so raw and tender I can feel it way over here.
Sabio Lantz
Love the bit about the money grubbing seminars and then relating to the experience so many women have of loss — and the medicalization of the loss.
othermary
What a horrible, heart wrenching experience. You have transformed it into a thing of power here Amy – well done!
janehewey
that perfect imperfect egg.
beautiful, heart-opening poetry.
claudia
that brought tears to my eyes…must be an unbelievable pain…i have a friend who had several miscarriages and it almost crushed her
Timoteo
Well, if they wouldn’t let you pee, that should have been your first clue!
Laurie Kolp
Oh, I can feel this, Amy… the depth of emotion is powerful.
Steve E
Yup, Amy. This one touched my soul,
Made me warm, then cold.
Well done
“…money-grubbing pseudo-something,..” Thanks for Peeps like that. I can look and say, “Hey, I’m not THAT bad!” But then I look away from them and into a mirror. Ugh! The ungliness found there………….mea culpa.
zongrik
nothing like a good abortion poem to make one’s day. very telling and powerful!!
where is the food when mother is not?
Mary
I remember Werner Erhard. He was the guru of the moment for a while, Funny how these people come and go, but often don’t go quick enough. A strong, sad poem, Amy. But since the vision at the end came out of an EST seminar, perhaps one could say that at least some good things happened at these seminars, as it must have helped you work through your horrific loss. Peace and love, Amy.
hisfirefly
agree that at least there was something good that came from much wasted time
nice words here
Gemma Wiseman
This was gut-wrenching reality! But became a healing of the womb of the soul! Like a powerful drama! Mesmerising!
aka_andrea
Raw and revealing, beautifully exposed. thank you for sharing this.
kimnelsonwrites
From the gut, this one, Amy. You carry the reader into the experience, all sense intact. I could feel, see, hear the sorrow, too. So very good. So very good.
kkkkaty1
Brave for you to write about this..so heartfelt and I can’t begin to imagine the pain.
Laura Hegfield
beautifully heart rending poem… such deep sorrow and powerful release…these are the places from which healing flows.